Thank you God, for showing us everything that is not for us. There are so many things that are not God's best for us and they are all being revealed. In a sarcastic tone, I have to think this way, or I'll fall apart. Knowing we must be getting closer to whatever His plan is for us, I try to focus, but it is much easier to let myself whine and go to the dark side. No matter how I try to convince myself things could be much worse (and they could) it still becomes a battle to see the blessings and joy. My son said, Mom, "you never smile" and truly, I find it difficult to as things are whirling around my mind of all the stresses, details and choices we have to make that will affect ours and our children's lives forever. It is not fun to be an adult sometimes!
We attended our missions church, Valley Fourth, that we went to China with, on Sunday. They had a special adoption Sunday celebration and hearing the families that stepped out and took the risk to adopt's stories was truly inspirational. We do not know if that chapter of our lives is closed, but it did remind me of the things that have been impossible since Brian's job loss. The choices you get to choose from are much less and many things are decided for you when you don't have the finances. The final nail in the coffin seems to have come today, a couple that we travelled with to China, took a position as house parents for the older children at PHF, something that we had discussed and talked about with Tim Baker, the Director. Brian reminded me, this job is a better fit for them as they do not have their own children to tend to and can place all attention on the orphans, and I realize this to be true. Yet another lead that is not God's best and plan for our lives! I know, I know, I know! I've been a believer too long to not know the pat answers...but it still feels yucky. I need something amazing to happen. I need to see the rainbow after the storm, at least a glimpse. My hope is fading and disappointment seems to be commonplace. I write all this, not for pity, but so that when our miracle comes, I'll be able to look back and remember where we've come from! Oh, and Brian officially got laid-off today! (The dirt, covering the nail in the coffin) Now he is released from feeling pulled between job searching and continuing to try to make the impossible happen, loans in this economy. A little going-away-present from Golf Savings (a Sterling Savings subsidiary), our benefits end today also! Thanks for your years of service and the financial gain you've made for us....by the way, don't let the door hit you, where the good Lord split you! We love you Golf!!!! (Yes, bitterness and more sarcasm)
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
"Plans for a hope and a future"
I always feel the need to "purge" when I'm struggling. I think in writing, if that makes sense? Things come to me in "book" format, then it quickly leaves, so if I don't write it down, I loose half of my growth that happens! We are heading into one of those ...for better OR WORSE times in our married lives! The time when you have to struggle to remember the cute things your spouse used to do and when the real work begins. Everyone has those times and has to make a decision to toil through it. Since I can only speak for myself, not having financial security has caused a fear reaction within me. As a stay-at-home Mom, I am unable to remedy this problem and am in complete submission and mercy to my husband. This is not a place I am comfortable, nor enjoy, nor do with much grace! Without going into gory detail, everything we have worked for is at risk of being lost. I do not say this in a dramatic way, but as our reality. We have sold most things that are not of basic use, or compelling sentiment. We have empty rooms in our large home, a for sale sign in our yard and idea where we're heading. We received an offer on our house, and although there are many hoops to make this sale a reality, we are literally standing on a ledge. We are tossed between moving our family to California to be near family and pursue a bigger job market and staying where we've been for 15+ years with friends, church, kids' school and lives and everything we've ever known.
Ok, I said what we don't have, here's what we do have: a roof over our heads, food to fill us, friends who are praying and blessing us, family who has offered to support us and take us in, clothes that keep us warm, heat, vehicles for transportation, ours and our kids' health, access to Doctors if we're sick and medicine to rid illness, a marriage of 14 years, a beautiful family with 3 amazing children, memories of joy and fun, clean water to drink, a phone to take calls from our mortgage company, a God who loves us and promises hope and a future. **A verse moment: Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I'm sure there is much more, my shallowness to realize, proves my state right now. Off to put my treasures to bed, tonight is my night, as my daughter so happily reminds me!
Ok, I said what we don't have, here's what we do have: a roof over our heads, food to fill us, friends who are praying and blessing us, family who has offered to support us and take us in, clothes that keep us warm, heat, vehicles for transportation, ours and our kids' health, access to Doctors if we're sick and medicine to rid illness, a marriage of 14 years, a beautiful family with 3 amazing children, memories of joy and fun, clean water to drink, a phone to take calls from our mortgage company, a God who loves us and promises hope and a future. **A verse moment: Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I'm sure there is much more, my shallowness to realize, proves my state right now. Off to put my treasures to bed, tonight is my night, as my daughter so happily reminds me!
Saturday, November 22, 2008
"It requires patience, not yours...His."
Today I met with my wonderful friend, Angie. We have met for around 3 years, every Saturday morning from 7:30 - 11:30ish a.m. Time flies when two SAHM's get to enjoy a pastry, mocha and any and every topic! We missed last week, due to Brian being in Cali, and I have to say, my spirit is renewed when we do...and I lag when we miss! Our meetings have a purpose and that is accountability. When we began, we were not "friends" per se. We knew each other through leadership in Youth Ministry and saw each others' hearts for the Lord. Our relationship has been BUILT from the ground up. We agreed to be transparent, share the deepest of emotions, shame and hurts, ask each other about the things that tempt us, be blunt (in love) when needed and not agree when we shouldn't. We have become the best of friends, because of these things and because of the trust we've each earned she's my biggest confidant. I know she'll be there on Saturday, I know she'll ask me about the things I can hide from everyone else. She'll probably be the first to hear about my success and the first to see my hurts. It's dirty work some mornings. I have to admit the UGLY that is within me. She has helped me heal through many broken relationships, disappointments and my own sin. She has cared for my heart, as a sister in Christ, like I have never experienced and because of our relationship we have been able to be better friends to those we meet. Honesty, it was a fight to take the time for myself. Many people, especially women, do not understand and see it as selfish. Yes it is time I take from my family, and my husband sacrifices on Saturday mornings to parent alone so I can revive my soul. But the trade is priceless. I come home, reek of coffee house with the biggest smile and my soul singing! I hug my children, genuinely am thrilled to begin the day together and head into another week, FULL. I have something to give because I have filled the source. Is it risky to have this type of openness with another human being? Absolutely! Is it worth it? Well, my soul depends on it! I love you Angie!
Today, we discussed, among other things, this quote: "Slowness = God's optimum speed in bringing about His likeness in you." It seems as if the things that we, and others we care for, are praying for are not being answered. Health concerns, jobs, finances etc... We are crying out to our Savior and feeling unheard and even abandoned. The crescendo is this: "It requires patience, NOT YOURS...HIS!" I love the sarcasm in this! Here is how God states this: 2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. **Quotes from "The Divine Mentor," by Wayne Cordeiro. Our sight and understanding is one dimensional and God's is infinite. Of course we don't understand. This I must remind myself again and again.
Last night I returned from my second stay with the Mahowald kids. Jeff & Kim were able to visit with family in AZ and I helped with the necessities on the home front. Four days without my family and at my house, once again reminded me how blessed I am with my own children, husband and home. I am more than thrilled to be with my family and sorry for the toilet I left plugged! Somethings even this tough-girl won't do! BTW, the toilet was plugged from 5 girls not flushing, not by my own doings! I must go and catch up on our brainless shows that bring me happiness. TTFN
Today, we discussed, among other things, this quote: "Slowness = God's optimum speed in bringing about His likeness in you." It seems as if the things that we, and others we care for, are praying for are not being answered. Health concerns, jobs, finances etc... We are crying out to our Savior and feeling unheard and even abandoned. The crescendo is this: "It requires patience, NOT YOURS...HIS!" I love the sarcasm in this! Here is how God states this: 2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. **Quotes from "The Divine Mentor," by Wayne Cordeiro. Our sight and understanding is one dimensional and God's is infinite. Of course we don't understand. This I must remind myself again and again.
Last night I returned from my second stay with the Mahowald kids. Jeff & Kim were able to visit with family in AZ and I helped with the necessities on the home front. Four days without my family and at my house, once again reminded me how blessed I am with my own children, husband and home. I am more than thrilled to be with my family and sorry for the toilet I left plugged! Somethings even this tough-girl won't do! BTW, the toilet was plugged from 5 girls not flushing, not by my own doings! I must go and catch up on our brainless shows that bring me happiness. TTFN
Sunday, November 16, 2008
The job hunt
Mom and Grace!I haven't updated for awhile, mostly because I'm emotionally and mentally exhausted. Brian is job hunting, the kids are busy with school, sports are done, but between the 3 directions they run, it's enough! Brian just got back from a trip to California to meet with some connections that his brother, graciously helped set up! They were positive meetings, but no official job secured. Some weeks I feel led to stay here, and then other weeks, as sure as I was the past week, I feel led to move! The job with Partners is a no! It took me awhile to get over that loss. I really felt it was the best fit, but apparently, not what God has for us and I have to trust He knows best, even when I doesn't make sense to me. Five days alone with the kids was good when it was good, and bad when it was bad. I'm glad to have my partner back, as after 14 years, we've come to depend upon each other in everything. **Sidenote: a great new show - "Chef Jeff Project" on the Food Network is a great show that we found. We have the most basic TV package now, so we've had to find things to entertain us during our "mindless nights." We stumbled upon this show and it is truly great! **
Our friends, Jeff & Kim, as you may recall, she was diagnosed w/breast cancer a few weeks back, and has just undergone her 2nd chemo treatment. Pray for her strength, as each treatment becomes harder for her body to endure. I guess I'm not chatty, and the couch is calling my booty!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Pray about Partners International Director job
I haven't written in a while, I guess my lack-of-emotion is reflected in my passion here. We are ferverent on the job-hunt front, not sure if we will be here-or-there. We ask for your prayers of guidance for the perfect job, as Brian is in the storm of a career change.
Our Pastor, Randy, was praying over our situation, one day in his office and felt that God gave him the name, Partners International. He called Brian to share about this name that he felt God placed on his heart. He later pulled up Partners Int'l on-line and found that they have a Director of Communications and Marketing position available in our area! Brian made some calls, sent his resume and has attempted two in-person introduction. We do not know the salary, nor the possibility of obtaining this job, but in so many ways, it seems to be the perfect match. They are a global missions outreach organization.
In spite of our trials, we have been blessed by our family and friends.
Our Pastor, Randy, was praying over our situation, one day in his office and felt that God gave him the name, Partners International. He called Brian to share about this name that he felt God placed on his heart. He later pulled up Partners Int'l on-line and found that they have a Director of Communications and Marketing position available in our area! Brian made some calls, sent his resume and has attempted two in-person introduction. We do not know the salary, nor the possibility of obtaining this job, but in so many ways, it seems to be the perfect match. They are a global missions outreach organization.
In spite of our trials, we have been blessed by our family and friends.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Hope does not disappoint
I have been dealing with fear of discouragement. Now if that isn't worrying about worrying, I don't know what is?! So tonight, as I met with my blessed friend, Angie, when she prayed for me, she mentioned a scripture that speaks of this exact thing. "We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character/and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
Key ways to deal with discouragment: 1 Bind Satan and stand firm in the Holy Spirit which reveals Truth. 2 Go to someone strong - to be mentored. 3 Spiritual brother 4. Staying the course. 5 Take care of yourself. 6.Discouragement is often the last tool before the victory. 7. Trust in God
Having hope is great, fear of not having hope is death
Death = Satan
Key ways to deal with discouragment: 1 Bind Satan and stand firm in the Holy Spirit which reveals Truth. 2 Go to someone strong - to be mentored. 3 Spiritual brother 4. Staying the course. 5 Take care of yourself. 6.Discouragement is often the last tool before the victory. 7. Trust in God
Having hope is great, fear of not having hope is death
Death = Satan
Monday, October 27, 2008
"Where You send us, God, we will Go, You're the answer, we want the world to know."
Last night I couldn't sleep, and I had brilliant things rolling around in my mind, but now that I have a minute to write...it's gone! So today, all new thoughts and whatever the brilliance of yesterday, gone into thin air. Helping Brian prepare to apply for a job that seems to be a perfect fit and allowing myself to feel those emotions is a big step in my own health. In our whole process, the unknown is somewhat the most difficult. "Should we stay or should we go?"
Sunday's have become tough days for me. Throughout the week, life distracts me, but Sunday morning, it's no one but God and I. As we begin to worship through music, the lyrics of songs begin to break me down. I find I can raise my hands in praise and agreement with the words, but with tears streaming, and my heart hurting, I cannot sing out the words.
Blessed Be Your Name by The Newsboys
"Blessed be Your name In the land that is plentiful Where Your streams of abundance flow Blessed be Your name And blessed be Your name When I'm found in the desert place Though I walk through the wilderness Blessed be your name."
Surrender by Lincoln Brewster
"I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within. I lay it all down for the sake of you my King. I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights. I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life. And I surrender, all to You, all to You. And I surrender all to You, all to You. I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross. And all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss. For the sake of knowing You for the glory of Your name. To know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain. And I surrender, all to You, all to You."
Awesome Is The Lord Most High by Chris Tomlin
"Great are You, Lord Mighty in strength. You are faithful. You will ever be. We will praise You, all of our days. It's for Your glory, we offer everything. Raise your hands, all you nations. Shout to God all creation, how awesome is the Lord most high. Where You send us, God, we will go. You're the answer, we want the world to know. We will trust You, when You call our name. Where You lead us, we'll follow all the way. We will praise You together, now and forever. How awesome is the Lord most high. Hallelujah!Hallelujah! How awesome is the Lord most high!
These are the cries of my heart when looking at God's face. Not what my flesh wants, for the flesh wants whats easy. The verse that God's placing on my heart is Matthew 19:24 "...it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." A rich man, I am not, but that is not the point. Everything that was written in the Bible was written to me, for me, so I must gain what I can. God is telling me, money, things, financial security can overtake my ability to serve Him and be effective for the Kingdom. Wealth can work against God's ultimate purpose. I don't believe that rich means only above a 6 income figure, we are all rich (rich in pennies as my son says). These things take a spot in front of our mission for God and this is what concerns God.
So ends the thoughts of the day! And again, my heart revealed, so engage gently. Good Night.
Sunday's have become tough days for me. Throughout the week, life distracts me, but Sunday morning, it's no one but God and I. As we begin to worship through music, the lyrics of songs begin to break me down. I find I can raise my hands in praise and agreement with the words, but with tears streaming, and my heart hurting, I cannot sing out the words.
Blessed Be Your Name by The Newsboys
"Blessed be Your name In the land that is plentiful Where Your streams of abundance flow Blessed be Your name And blessed be Your name When I'm found in the desert place Though I walk through the wilderness Blessed be your name."
Surrender by Lincoln Brewster
"I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within. I lay it all down for the sake of you my King. I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights. I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life. And I surrender, all to You, all to You. And I surrender all to You, all to You. I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross. And all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss. For the sake of knowing You for the glory of Your name. To know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain. And I surrender, all to You, all to You."
Awesome Is The Lord Most High by Chris Tomlin
"Great are You, Lord Mighty in strength. You are faithful. You will ever be. We will praise You, all of our days. It's for Your glory, we offer everything. Raise your hands, all you nations. Shout to God all creation, how awesome is the Lord most high. Where You send us, God, we will go. You're the answer, we want the world to know. We will trust You, when You call our name. Where You lead us, we'll follow all the way. We will praise You together, now and forever. How awesome is the Lord most high. Hallelujah!Hallelujah! How awesome is the Lord most high!
These are the cries of my heart when looking at God's face. Not what my flesh wants, for the flesh wants whats easy. The verse that God's placing on my heart is Matthew 19:24 "...it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." A rich man, I am not, but that is not the point. Everything that was written in the Bible was written to me, for me, so I must gain what I can. God is telling me, money, things, financial security can overtake my ability to serve Him and be effective for the Kingdom. Wealth can work against God's ultimate purpose. I don't believe that rich means only above a 6 income figure, we are all rich (rich in pennies as my son says). These things take a spot in front of our mission for God and this is what concerns God.
So ends the thoughts of the day! And again, my heart revealed, so engage gently. Good Night.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining!
Yesterday, Brian, aka, Daddy, was cristened by the beloved Grace! Not maybe the typical initiation, but one none-the-less! She was having a tantrum, and in her anger, pee'd on Brian. You've heard the saying we always hurt the ones we love? Brian, consider yourself loved! And, welcome to my life!
Friday, October 17, 2008
Day 2 with 6 - wait, 7!
Whew, quite a long day, day # 2 with 6 kids - and today, I add my 3 year old to ease the pain of Dad and enabling her missing out on the 9:00a.m. Flag Football game of brothers, tomorrow morning. I'd like to identify the exact age between loving the bathing, to looking at it with great disdain, to never thinking you need another one, and then back to (my favorite) just try to get them out of the shower and have any hot water left in the tank!?! I just don't get: Warm Water, Soap, Clean...what's so bad about that?
Our house went up on the market today, so we thought there was a chance it would be shown, and so begins the crazy clean-friskiness. I have no idea where we would go if it sells quickly. So, that could be a problem.
I am having difficulty processing the limited information I've gotten from Jeff & Kim. I've heard the "it's not good," but I also know of miracles and cancers that are healed without any explanation! I've had a difficult time relating this trauma to me and how to relate it my me, my family and how would I feel. The empathy part is difficult because I really have nothing to compare it to. When I talked to my friend today, I admitted that the biggest anger I might feel would be that my kids' mother would be taken away! That thought gets to the center of my heart. If it were Brian sick, I would grieve my friendship, partner, always there to talk and communicate. I mentioned prior that I am an only child and something about being alone so much of your childhood, pushes me in the direction of wanting to be around people.
Tomorrow, Ben & Angie are taking the kids & I up to Green bluff for pumpkins and adventure. They are so excited! I miss both Carters, Football Game, & Jonah's, Soccer Game tomorrow, but it is for a good cause and it will be fun for all of us! TTFN
Our house went up on the market today, so we thought there was a chance it would be shown, and so begins the crazy clean-friskiness. I have no idea where we would go if it sells quickly. So, that could be a problem.
I am having difficulty processing the limited information I've gotten from Jeff & Kim. I've heard the "it's not good," but I also know of miracles and cancers that are healed without any explanation! I've had a difficult time relating this trauma to me and how to relate it my me, my family and how would I feel. The empathy part is difficult because I really have nothing to compare it to. When I talked to my friend today, I admitted that the biggest anger I might feel would be that my kids' mother would be taken away! That thought gets to the center of my heart. If it were Brian sick, I would grieve my friendship, partner, always there to talk and communicate. I mentioned prior that I am an only child and something about being alone so much of your childhood, pushes me in the direction of wanting to be around people.
Tomorrow, Ben & Angie are taking the kids & I up to Green bluff for pumpkins and adventure. They are so excited! I miss both Carters, Football Game, & Jonah's, Soccer Game tomorrow, but it is for a good cause and it will be fun for all of us! TTFN
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Please Pray for Jeff & Kim and Family
Our very close family friends, Jeff & Kim have had a tumultous past 2 weeks, from finding out Kim has breast cancer, to this morning, finding that it has spread, through her lymph nodes, ovaries & pelvis. We don't know any details, accept that this caught all of us off guard. They will be spending some time this weekend to process and be together. Please pray for a miracle. She is a friend, sister, wife, daughter and mother of seven. Here is a picture of seven smiling faces who need their Mom, now and in the many years to come!Sunday, October 12, 2008
Surrender and failure
Today has been quite overwhelming. As I sat...and I mean sat, (my back has a severe knife-like pain that if I stand attacks and I cry out in pain)...in church today, the emotion that I have been able to ignore over the past week swelled. Too much, that is what is all comes down to. I know that our path, although difficult and ardous is right. I am assured that this is not punishment, but testing. Testing of my endurance. Today was one of human weakness.
Not only am I physically not able to stand, I am needing to emotionally and spiritually lean on God. Not being able to do things for myself, or my family is a physical kind of torture. Weakness, is never something I do well. I guess I never got over the two-year old, "I'll do it myself" mentality. So, here I sit, needing and not able bodied, probably just how God wants it. Why do I need to learn so many lessons at one time? Pray I get it quickly.
Ok, on to what I am reading - More "Chasing Daylight" by Edwin McManus, one of the best books I've ever read! I finished my last post talking about surrender, something that Angie and I talked through our last coffee/accountability hours. Here's a few of my favorite quotes/most challenging considerations: "The greater that moment's opportunity, the greater the risk. The moment in which we have the most to gain is also the moment we have the most to surrender." The word surrender is so beautiful because it rejects loosing. It rejects failure. Living for God can appear like toiling in vain (I love my thesaurus).
Now, McManus adresses what is within the realm of success, or things that God deems acceptable, worth our doing. He states, " we are commended to do whatever as long as it reflects the heart and character of God." Philipians 4:8 "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things."
We spend so much time worrying if what we desire is under God's tiny umbrella of "His will." The truth may be more obvious than we've ever been led to believe? "In Paradise God gave man one no in the midst of an endless yes. Just one bad option and absolute freedom to choose from all the good as he preferred. Many times when we claim we are waiting on God, He is wating on us." We have been conditioned to believe that inside of God's will we will be safe. "We do not begin to live risk-free, but instead become free to risk." How many of us, or how much of what we do appears to be a failure? Does Satan cloud our minds and those who surround us with judgement based on human experiences and models? The ought-to's and should's? "Failure is closely related to risk , which is closely related to success." It all comes down to our ability, or inability to see. We have linear sight and thinking, in an infinate Godly plan.
An incident played out at a football game last week. Our son was calling another child gay. It was brought to our attention by a coach and my immediate response was shame and humiliation and judgement. What kind of Christian mother and family would produce a child who uses such grave language? Every parent will question our home, see all of our shortcomings and inabilities. I forget that maybe they have all recently had this same issue. I hear a three year old at Jonah's soccer game say "crap" and I laugh! Into time-out he goes, but it sickly speaks to my heart that I am not the most horrible mother ever.
I am posting a few pictures because I have neglected and blogs always look cuter with pictures! One of Jonah playing soccer, one of Carter playing football, Grace, eating cherrios like a dog because she had mittens on and it was insanely cold, and frankly, she could!
Not only am I physically not able to stand, I am needing to emotionally and spiritually lean on God. Not being able to do things for myself, or my family is a physical kind of torture. Weakness, is never something I do well. I guess I never got over the two-year old, "I'll do it myself" mentality. So, here I sit, needing and not able bodied, probably just how God wants it. Why do I need to learn so many lessons at one time? Pray I get it quickly.
Ok, on to what I am reading - More "Chasing Daylight" by Edwin McManus, one of the best books I've ever read! I finished my last post talking about surrender, something that Angie and I talked through our last coffee/accountability hours. Here's a few of my favorite quotes/most challenging considerations: "The greater that moment's opportunity, the greater the risk. The moment in which we have the most to gain is also the moment we have the most to surrender." The word surrender is so beautiful because it rejects loosing. It rejects failure. Living for God can appear like toiling in vain (I love my thesaurus).
Now, McManus adresses what is within the realm of success, or things that God deems acceptable, worth our doing. He states, " we are commended to do whatever as long as it reflects the heart and character of God." Philipians 4:8 "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things."
We spend so much time worrying if what we desire is under God's tiny umbrella of "His will." The truth may be more obvious than we've ever been led to believe? "In Paradise God gave man one no in the midst of an endless yes. Just one bad option and absolute freedom to choose from all the good as he preferred. Many times when we claim we are waiting on God, He is wating on us." We have been conditioned to believe that inside of God's will we will be safe. "We do not begin to live risk-free, but instead become free to risk." How many of us, or how much of what we do appears to be a failure? Does Satan cloud our minds and those who surround us with judgement based on human experiences and models? The ought-to's and should's? "Failure is closely related to risk , which is closely related to success." It all comes down to our ability, or inability to see. We have linear sight and thinking, in an infinate Godly plan.
An incident played out at a football game last week. Our son was calling another child gay. It was brought to our attention by a coach and my immediate response was shame and humiliation and judgement. What kind of Christian mother and family would produce a child who uses such grave language? Every parent will question our home, see all of our shortcomings and inabilities. I forget that maybe they have all recently had this same issue. I hear a three year old at Jonah's soccer game say "crap" and I laugh! Into time-out he goes, but it sickly speaks to my heart that I am not the most horrible mother ever.
I am posting a few pictures because I have neglected and blogs always look cuter with pictures! One of Jonah playing soccer, one of Carter playing football, Grace, eating cherrios like a dog because she had mittens on and it was insanely cold, and frankly, she could!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Life with Purpose
I have so many things rolling through my mind, I feel the need to "purge" some of it and give it a place to rest...therefore, I blog! Besides our own chaos with our home being ripped apart to clean and pack, two of our closest friends have gone through, and are going through some enormous storms. My friend and accountability partner, Angie's youngest son "K" was rushed to the ER and into surgery with a folded intestine. We were all scared and in spite of the unknowns and possibilities for huge problems, he sustained the surgery great, a portion of the intestine was removed, stitched and two days later, he is being weaned off of meds, the cath. and on the road to complete recovery! Praise God! Other friends of ours, are faced with probably one of the biggest events in their life, thus far. Kim was diagnosed with breast cancer, 3 tumors, travelled to the nodes, and will require, chemo., surgery and radiation. Tomorrow she has a port placed to begin the first of her many chemo's required to stop and shut down these rogue cells. People are always too young, and too healthy and have too many kids and things that depend on them, but cancer and bad things don't care to avoid them. Jeff & Kim have 7 kids, ages 17-5, and she is "too young" and "too busy," but cancer doesn't care about circumstances! And so, they deal, and fight and pray! We also heard from the leader of our China missions trip, Steve, who is returning to China in a few weeks with a different team. He found that his Visa was denied and he is not able to enter China! He is resubmitting and completing an explanation letter and again, we pray! My first reaction is: Wow, Satan is sure busy.
As I re-read through one of my favorite books, "Purpose Driven Life," statements that I underlined many years ago, catch my attention. Statements like: "...you don't get to choose your purpose." Whether its to the ped's ICU staff, the oncologist, or people you come into contact with everyday? "God never does anything accidentally, and he never makes mistakes."
Next lesson, more applicable to where we are: "Self worth and net worth are not the same." "Purpose always produces passion. Purpose focuses your life. It concentrates your effort and energy on what's important. People who don't know their purpose try to do too much. If you can't get it all done, it means you're trying to do more than God intended for you to do." And one of my favorites: "Never confuse activity with productivity."
At this moment of disorder, I feel productive. I/We have a goal and are moving towards a purpose. One that shakes everything we've called stability and God's faithfulness before. Where you feel you're following God's commands because you're being blessed on this road. This is different, this is being blessed as I move down the path of uncertainty and what may seem like misfortune to this world. Hmm, they must not have been faithful...look how God is cursing them. Leaving a large house, an amazing community, a supportive church, more friends than we could ever dream, surely this is a consequence for our sin. Whomever is faithful with a little will be given much, replays in my mind over and over...I'm my best critic, my best interrogator and judge! But God says, "I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you a hope and a good future." Jeremiah 29:11 and so, "We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18 "This world is not your home, so don't make yourselves cozy in it." 1 Peter 2:11
For those who read this, this is not a sermon, this is a journal. This is where my heart is right now. These are the principles that God is trying to teach me, AGAIN. Maybe in a new way, maybe with deeper meaning, but probably, just Again because I didn't get it the first 10 times.
My first thought in hearing that Steve may not be able to lead the team to China, "Brian should go!" Maybe this is part of this enormous plan I don't understand? He's Available! My Mom mentioned this and made me say it out-loud, for I had kept it to myself when it had crossed my mind! SSsssshhhh! God certainly wants me to go too, I think selfishly! Philippians 2: 3-5 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider to hers better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." And so I stand corrected and mention this to Brian. He confirms that it too had entered his thoughts. It makes complete sense and absolutely no sense, both at the same time. It probably won't even come to it, but I'm learning that God is sometimes more interested in knowing our heart when the poo-hits-the-road, rather than us making pious statements of what we would do if the situation would ever present itself, knowing in our safety that it won't. Will you sell the Suburban, the Lord asks of me? No thanks, there must be better ways. Let's think rational, into the future with two old cars, instead of at least one luxury vehicle. I am pressed more and more to consider giving up my leather interior, dual position seats, expanded seating and of course, safety features, snow reliability. Of course it makes the most sense to keep it. But God's question was "will you give it up?" I sat in crummy old minivans with no accessories and pouted. God's not even asking me to give up my life, only my convenience and I'm a huge baby and have to think about it! I'm guessing I won't be first pick on God's team of Dodge ball. "She whines too much." "That girl needs to toughin' up some."
W H A T!! she screams, show me my path! Oh yeah, back to the story, I get her (the car) cleaned up in all her glory and get her on CraigsList. We get a few calls, nothing we really entertain that would better our position and feel that it has all been a play to reveal motives and ability to sacrifice. One more thing: The minute I did surrender the Suburban, nothing ever came about to close the deal. I still drive my cush Suburban, but know that God's only going to ask me once next time and my answer'd better be a quick YES. Anyway, where can all my books, scrap booking supplies fit, if I can't fill it in my Burban'? News Flash, It's Not About Me!
As I re-read through one of my favorite books, "Purpose Driven Life," statements that I underlined many years ago, catch my attention. Statements like: "...you don't get to choose your purpose." Whether its to the ped's ICU staff, the oncologist, or people you come into contact with everyday? "God never does anything accidentally, and he never makes mistakes."
Next lesson, more applicable to where we are: "Self worth and net worth are not the same." "Purpose always produces passion. Purpose focuses your life. It concentrates your effort and energy on what's important. People who don't know their purpose try to do too much. If you can't get it all done, it means you're trying to do more than God intended for you to do." And one of my favorites: "Never confuse activity with productivity."
At this moment of disorder, I feel productive. I/We have a goal and are moving towards a purpose. One that shakes everything we've called stability and God's faithfulness before. Where you feel you're following God's commands because you're being blessed on this road. This is different, this is being blessed as I move down the path of uncertainty and what may seem like misfortune to this world. Hmm, they must not have been faithful...look how God is cursing them. Leaving a large house, an amazing community, a supportive church, more friends than we could ever dream, surely this is a consequence for our sin. Whomever is faithful with a little will be given much, replays in my mind over and over...I'm my best critic, my best interrogator and judge! But God says, "I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you a hope and a good future." Jeremiah 29:11 and so, "We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18 "This world is not your home, so don't make yourselves cozy in it." 1 Peter 2:11
For those who read this, this is not a sermon, this is a journal. This is where my heart is right now. These are the principles that God is trying to teach me, AGAIN. Maybe in a new way, maybe with deeper meaning, but probably, just Again because I didn't get it the first 10 times.
My first thought in hearing that Steve may not be able to lead the team to China, "Brian should go!" Maybe this is part of this enormous plan I don't understand? He's Available! My Mom mentioned this and made me say it out-loud, for I had kept it to myself when it had crossed my mind! SSsssshhhh! God certainly wants me to go too, I think selfishly! Philippians 2: 3-5 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider to hers better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." And so I stand corrected and mention this to Brian. He confirms that it too had entered his thoughts. It makes complete sense and absolutely no sense, both at the same time. It probably won't even come to it, but I'm learning that God is sometimes more interested in knowing our heart when the poo-hits-the-road, rather than us making pious statements of what we would do if the situation would ever present itself, knowing in our safety that it won't. Will you sell the Suburban, the Lord asks of me? No thanks, there must be better ways. Let's think rational, into the future with two old cars, instead of at least one luxury vehicle. I am pressed more and more to consider giving up my leather interior, dual position seats, expanded seating and of course, safety features, snow reliability. Of course it makes the most sense to keep it. But God's question was "will you give it up?" I sat in crummy old minivans with no accessories and pouted. God's not even asking me to give up my life, only my convenience and I'm a huge baby and have to think about it! I'm guessing I won't be first pick on God's team of Dodge ball. "She whines too much." "That girl needs to toughin' up some."
W H A T!! she screams, show me my path! Oh yeah, back to the story, I get her (the car) cleaned up in all her glory and get her on CraigsList. We get a few calls, nothing we really entertain that would better our position and feel that it has all been a play to reveal motives and ability to sacrifice. One more thing: The minute I did surrender the Suburban, nothing ever came about to close the deal. I still drive my cush Suburban, but know that God's only going to ask me once next time and my answer'd better be a quick YES. Anyway, where can all my books, scrap booking supplies fit, if I can't fill it in my Burban'? News Flash, It's Not About Me!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Pray, Step in Faith, Pray
Here's a synopsis of our last days. 1) Brian's job continues to look bleak and dives quickly into a dry desert. 2) We get an initial response from the adoption agency, regarding Mei Mei. It's all positive to move forward with her adoption. 3) The realization that the home we have far surpasses our "needs." 4) Reality of the job market in our city.
We have cried and prayed over the next life defining decisions we will have to make concerning our family. As of now, we are praying specific dates and finance amounts in order to confirm staying in Spokane, but have our sights set on moving to be closer to family and begin new in a different market. So many things have pressed us over the past year. The strength built from our trip to China, our faith in trusting God's desire to give us our hearts' desires. Please pray with us on bringing forth God's best for our family. Our Pastor shared that he is "fighting for us." To know that our friends, our supporters, are "fighting" in prayer on our behalf. Wrestling to define what He has for us, is more than we could ever ask for. Ultimately, this may look like God, has failed us. That we have failed ourselves. All the what haves, should have nots, if just, we could have know...well...we are addressed on a need to know basis. Frankly, we just don't need to know...we just need to pray, step in faith, pray some more.
We spoke to our kids about this synopsis, this afternoon, after school. The general shock tore at their security and cojnfidence. Beginning with tears and shock, ending in discussion, the things we will loose, but the things we will gain! Who knows, maybe all this is less about me and my comfort, but more an infomfortatble feeling, this freeing allows an agenda to move where God calls.
We have cried and prayed over the next life defining decisions we will have to make concerning our family. As of now, we are praying specific dates and finance amounts in order to confirm staying in Spokane, but have our sights set on moving to be closer to family and begin new in a different market. So many things have pressed us over the past year. The strength built from our trip to China, our faith in trusting God's desire to give us our hearts' desires. Please pray with us on bringing forth God's best for our family. Our Pastor shared that he is "fighting for us." To know that our friends, our supporters, are "fighting" in prayer on our behalf. Wrestling to define what He has for us, is more than we could ever ask for. Ultimately, this may look like God, has failed us. That we have failed ourselves. All the what haves, should have nots, if just, we could have know...well...we are addressed on a need to know basis. Frankly, we just don't need to know...we just need to pray, step in faith, pray some more.
We spoke to our kids about this synopsis, this afternoon, after school. The general shock tore at their security and cojnfidence. Beginning with tears and shock, ending in discussion, the things we will loose, but the things we will gain! Who knows, maybe all this is less about me and my comfort, but more an infomfortatble feeling, this freeing allows an agenda to move where God calls.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Catch the Adoption Spirit - Guest Authors
Below a post from the Mother (Mary Kamberger) of 7, 4 special needs children from China. A True way to consider our lives and meeting The King in Heaven:
"There's no other more worthy thing to invest your time, life or money into - than the lives of children. Dear Sarabeth had a wonderful life in China with a wonderful foster family for nearly 7 years .... but she was NEVER told that there was a God who created her, loves her and died for her to be able to go to Heaven. She is just eating up the Word of God and glows with inner joy!! No amount of money, time or having a safe/comfortable life can compare to seeing this transformation in her life! And dear little Juls - she would have been dead in the arms ofsome poor ayi, since no one in China could have ever fixed her heart -it was a real toughy for the docs here in the states! And if we have to pay the bills off for years to come, so be it! No we are not crazy and no we are not trying to fill some void in our lives or trying to "stay young" by having kids in our late forties! We have heard all of those comments! The crazy one most of all. But when you do it once, you finally know that it's not that bad/hard and geez, we could do this for yet another child! ... and another .... and another! Catch the adoption Spirit!! Actually several of my email/adoption girlfriends think we should create a new AA - adopters anonymous! Hello, my name is Mary and I peeked at another waiting child list just this morning! LOL! Another heart issue for me is this - when I reach Heaven's gates, I want to have run a long, hard race, fought a tough, exhausting fight and fall at the dear Lord's feet totally spent and used up for Him. I do NOT want to be wallowing in riches in my retirement years, sipping tea by the pool and taking sight seeing world trips! I do not want to be refreshed and freshly showered - I want to be worn out and filthy from the work of bringing every child I can to the Lord's throne. THEN and only then will I truly enter into rest and be able to rejoice forevermore with all the children HE has brought into my life!!"
Here is an excerpt from another adoptive mother's blog, currently adopting a nine year old boy from PHF.
"I read aloud the news that "E" had a very successful heart surgery on June 20 and was not expected to need any further surgery! So much for his condition being “inoperable”! I got choked up as I read the sentence following, “Please say a prayer on behalf of "E" that he would soon find a family of his own.” It was then and there that I KNEW "E" was meant to be more than a sponsored child, but a permanent member of our family."
Not only are they adopting from PHF, but a child who was labeled with an inoperable heart condition. She encouraged me to read her blog to see how God has led them through their process.
"There's no other more worthy thing to invest your time, life or money into - than the lives of children. Dear Sarabeth had a wonderful life in China with a wonderful foster family for nearly 7 years .... but she was NEVER told that there was a God who created her, loves her and died for her to be able to go to Heaven. She is just eating up the Word of God and glows with inner joy!! No amount of money, time or having a safe/comfortable life can compare to seeing this transformation in her life! And dear little Juls - she would have been dead in the arms ofsome poor ayi, since no one in China could have ever fixed her heart -it was a real toughy for the docs here in the states! And if we have to pay the bills off for years to come, so be it! No we are not crazy and no we are not trying to fill some void in our lives or trying to "stay young" by having kids in our late forties! We have heard all of those comments! The crazy one most of all. But when you do it once, you finally know that it's not that bad/hard and geez, we could do this for yet another child! ... and another .... and another! Catch the adoption Spirit!! Actually several of my email/adoption girlfriends think we should create a new AA - adopters anonymous! Hello, my name is Mary and I peeked at another waiting child list just this morning! LOL! Another heart issue for me is this - when I reach Heaven's gates, I want to have run a long, hard race, fought a tough, exhausting fight and fall at the dear Lord's feet totally spent and used up for Him. I do NOT want to be wallowing in riches in my retirement years, sipping tea by the pool and taking sight seeing world trips! I do not want to be refreshed and freshly showered - I want to be worn out and filthy from the work of bringing every child I can to the Lord's throne. THEN and only then will I truly enter into rest and be able to rejoice forevermore with all the children HE has brought into my life!!"
Here is an excerpt from another adoptive mother's blog, currently adopting a nine year old boy from PHF.
"I read aloud the news that "E" had a very successful heart surgery on June 20 and was not expected to need any further surgery! So much for his condition being “inoperable”! I got choked up as I read the sentence following, “Please say a prayer on behalf of "E" that he would soon find a family of his own.” It was then and there that I KNEW "E" was meant to be more than a sponsored child, but a permanent member of our family."
Not only are they adopting from PHF, but a child who was labeled with an inoperable heart condition. She encouraged me to read her blog to see how God has led them through their process.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Bleak, but not a NO!
Early last week, I spent a good part of a day researching medical assistance, of all sorts, for Mei Mei. I was given the name of a program that assists families who are adopting Special Needs (SN) children, both financially and logistically (Thank you to Jerry & Debbie!). They have adopted a son from Ukraine and are currently in the process of their second adoption of their 14 year old daughter, also from the same orphanage as their son! They are both Special Needs adoptions and they have given us encouragement through their journeys!
I had e-mailed a large/well known adoption agency, asking for their help with Mei Mei, there reply was that they could not do anything to assist us, No Way, No Can Do! I was irritated, but knew that they were obviously not the ones to help us since the mountain to climb will be high and nearly impossible. I timidly e-mailed this newly found program, and received this reply: "This type of adoption can be very difficult to do. It is hard to get a specific child assigned to a specific agency or family now that China has made some changes to the way that adoptions of children with special needs are done. That being said, *** has had some limited success in situations like this in the past." It looked bleak and I continued reading...blah, blah, blah...waiting for the nice, but certain blow-off...but, it never came! They asked me to gather more information about Mei Mei and then stated, "I'll see what we can do!" Hey, it's not a No!! Within one post to a group I belong to, we had her name, orphanage and date of birth! So now, we move on and see where this takes us! It turns out her DOB is one day and one year after Grace's! (DOB 9/2/04 Diagnosis: Single Ventricle ASD, Persistent Truncus Arteriosis)
I had e-mailed a large/well known adoption agency, asking for their help with Mei Mei, there reply was that they could not do anything to assist us, No Way, No Can Do! I was irritated, but knew that they were obviously not the ones to help us since the mountain to climb will be high and nearly impossible. I timidly e-mailed this newly found program, and received this reply: "This type of adoption can be very difficult to do. It is hard to get a specific child assigned to a specific agency or family now that China has made some changes to the way that adoptions of children with special needs are done. That being said, *** has had some limited success in situations like this in the past." It looked bleak and I continued reading...blah, blah, blah...waiting for the nice, but certain blow-off...but, it never came! They asked me to gather more information about Mei Mei and then stated, "I'll see what we can do!" Hey, it's not a No!! Within one post to a group I belong to, we had her name, orphanage and date of birth! So now, we move on and see where this takes us! It turns out her DOB is one day and one year after Grace's! (DOB 9/2/04 Diagnosis: Single Ventricle ASD, Persistent Truncus Arteriosis)
*Check out the map of the Guangdong Province, where Mei Mei was also from, before being moved to PHF. She was located in Yangxi, a short distance from where Gracie was in the orphanage in Gaozhou. Pretty amazing that both girls were orignally such a short distance from each other.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Please pray for this "Heart Baby"
http://roomforatleastonemore.blogspot.com/Check out this blog to follow a heart wrenching adoption story! The Mom & Dad are currently in China, knew that their daughter, Susannah was a Special Needs baby, both a cleft lip and heart defect, but did not find out until in China, how severe her health was. Please pray along with the family and so many other believers, for this precious child.
I makes my heart bleed for Mei Mei, for her too to have a chance at life.
I makes my heart bleed for Mei Mei, for her too to have a chance at life.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
An update
So, after my psycho-rant, I guessed I'd better update to show that, although we fall, we get back up! Week three into school, I am now a "recovering summer" Mom. The routine is beginning to return and so is my sanity!
After a poignant sermon from our Pastor, I returned to searching for help for little Mei Mei who has been seen by Dr's in China and deemed with a terminal heart condition that is in-operable. The book I am currently reading is Chasing Daylight, by Erwin R. McManus and it has thoroughly challenged me in my faith. He states, "Faith is all about character, trusting in the character of God, being certain in who God is and following Him into the unknown." The things that God asks of us do not necessarily make sense, or even have an end result that we would choose. Going into a situations, knowing that God has your back. "To follow Jesus is to enter the unknown, to relinquish security, and to exchange certainty for confidence in Him."
So, I move forward, feeling completely overwhelmed with my own family, knowing that I am but one small person. I do not feel confirmation in moving forward with plans to adopt, but trying to find her medical help is something God is asking of me. Who knows if I succeed? Only God I suppose? Here is a recent picture of her after a haircut!
As for our future, we are certainly certain of nothing.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
A-wreck
Yes, that's the best description of me! I am not only a firstborn, but an ONLY! My oldest son is known to not like change and I am finally beginning to see where he may get it from! So after a summer of chaos, fall is fast approaching and mommy is heading into a tailspin from all the white-noise! There is either too much to do, or nothing to do, that is sort of how I look at life. I like to be somewhere between crazy busy and overwhelmed...one small step heading into overwhelmed territory though, sends me into CRAZY. One step before crazy busy and I am bored and depressed! It really is a sick way to live, but it is ME. Somehow I have found myself overwhelmed, bored. I don't know how that happens, but I wander around the house, looking for something to do-well, something exciting and rewarding, but find nothing, just dirty laundry, clutter and boring projects! I literally feel that my brain may explode, knowing I must not over-commit like I so often have done, I do nothing, but hate it. I miss China, I miss the kids we fell in love with, I miss having to depend on God for everything. I find I am best when I am in full dependence mode with God. If I have to trust, then I do, If I can possibly "think" I can do it on my own, I do! I'm not really an adrenaline junky, because I'm too much a pessimist - well, I call myself a realist! Again, our first born son, needs constant entertainment....hhhhmmmm, actually, I guess I do too! I really believe I should have been in an Amish family, when the wives baked together, quilted together, basically never being alone sounds good to me! I've been alone too much in my life. I was never spoiled, or any of those "cool" reasons to be an only child and I think are still struggling from years of playing house, school, bank, boardgames and everything else by myself! "One" is the loneliest number", as Three Dog Night states! Two out of the nest, one reclaiming her Princess title and a mom who can barely see the light of day! I don't think quality time is my problem. Too much quality time may very well be part of this plight!
Come on crazy stay-at-home moms, share your stories...the dirt, emotions, hurts, heights, disappointments, expectations met or un-met? And my favorite question....:"What's for dinner tonight?
Come on crazy stay-at-home moms, share your stories...the dirt, emotions, hurts, heights, disappointments, expectations met or un-met? And my favorite question....:"What's for dinner tonight?
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Hope
Here is the link to the first interview with Steven Curtis Chapman and their family, after the death of their daughter, Maria. http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=5524419 As for us, and our lives, more things are uncertain, than not. Today, we spent the day up at the South Hill water park. It was a delightul day, but they did turn to pumpkins extra early!
We shared at our church, about our trip...here is one of the screens we showed, as we shared about the amazing kids we met!
Monday, July 28, 2008
This blog is an amazing site and story about an amazing woman and family, for adoption.
As for us, we received our first NO with regards to pursuing Mei Mei (In picture with Iris, Physical Therapist). Without thinking, I say it's our first, as if I subconsciously know that there'll be more. I know this will be a long road, possibly with an ending in a round-a-bout, really getting no place. We walk in faith, being certain of what we cannot see. If God is for us, who can be against us? We remind ourselves of these things and step forward.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Keeping our eyes, Not Closed!
Our China team group met tonight for dinner, decompression and sharing. It felt good to be with people who understand. Nothing has to be said, its just a look that you can share and just know. Everyone shared a most impactful moment or meaningful experience, so many shared about Judy, the Chinese woman, who lives in Seattle, that went with us. She was outspoken for the Lord, she shared with so many of the Chinese people and many of them accepted. Steve, our leader, said, we can say it was easier because she spoke the language, but the truth is, we are surrounded by people we speak the same language as every day.
Steve R. made a statement I found to be profound. He stated that we need to keep our eyes, Not Closed. God is working around us, whether we notice or not. We are given opportunities to do His work and if we pay attention we can't help but make a difference.
Steve R. made a statement I found to be profound. He stated that we need to keep our eyes, Not Closed. God is working around us, whether we notice or not. We are given opportunities to do His work and if we pay attention we can't help but make a difference.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Photo's taken by our China Team at PHF
As you know, our task or mission in China, was to create a Photo/Journal "coffee table" book for PHF. Due to our desire to produce the best possible product, we are taking our time processing the pictures and also need to respect the rights to the pictures, as we want the profits to go to PHF. We are therefore unable to post most of our pictures. We do want to share some highlights from our trip here, so we have been blessed to have access to each team members photos. So we take no credit for these pictures on our photosharing site, but offer graditude to our team for sharing their "eyes" with us! Please join us at http://www.bl4scott.smugmug.com/Professional/558178 to catch a glimpse at the things and people that captured our attention and hearts.
Enjoy!
Enjoy!
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Divine Appointments
It is Wednesday, back in The States. We are settling into US time and our routine. The kids did magnificent and have accustom to us being home, quite easily. From one of our adoption forums, I got the idea to say a statement repeatedly with Grace, and it is, "Mommy always comes back." We say this quite often and she repeats it with certainty. We returned home on Saturday and went to church on Sunday. Unsure if she would be willing to part with me, I asked her if she wanted to go to class. She turned back to me and said, "Mommy always comes back!" And off she went to her class! I knew that God would not send us back to China, provide for all our provisions and then allow bonding to fall apart, but it is sure great to see it for myself when all is said and done!Our last day in China, Friday, was filled with family portraits for the Bakers and the Moody's. Although we did not think that the weather could have gotten any more unbearable, IT DID! Although the sun did not show itself, the wetness surrounded us. It was incredibly muggy. We did family photos, which really felt like giving a gift. It was neat to be able to do something that would bless these families. After our shoots, Brian and I wanted one last attempt in Langfang. We went to the mall that attached to Wal-mart and Brian was able to pick up a few XL, or "chao da" shirts. We also had the two Bibles that we had brought with us, intended to leave, that we needed to give away, or leave. After trying to eat Chinese pot stickers in the "food court" to no avail (we were entirely confused on the procedure) we went to KFC and made sure that the item that I ordered was not the kids meal this time! We plotted and planned on leaving one of the Bibles under our tray. We quickly left, scurried down the isle, careful not to sprint, but in a zigzagging pattern, so as not to be associated (for security purposes) with the Bible. We made it to the nearest escalator, feeling successful in our mission...until...a young woman ran up to us telling us we forgotten our book! I responded to Brian, "How did they find us?" He looked at me with genuine suspect, "Gee, I wonder!" Oh yeah, I guess we are the only 6'0 Westerners in the entire mall!
Back from our outing, we cleaned up for dinner with a few of the interns who were excitedly planning a fine dining experience at a Brazilian restaurant in an International region in Beijing. We said our final goodbyes to the kids, I mostly avoided them, as I'm not good with goodbyes! We made great time into Beijing, found the restaurant very Western looking and a fine dinning experience. There was bread and butter on the tables...something I had longed for! Water with lemon, knives on the table, it was breathtaking! We were giddy with excitement for non-Chinese food. When dinner came to an end, heavy rains hit and after a long waiting-it-out period, we knew we must move-out. Running for our car and driver, we laughed hysterically as we lumbered across streets filled with water and filed into our van. We head to our Hotel, that had been booked for us, nearby to the airport. Upon arriving at the hotel, at around 11:30 p.m.,waiting behind pushy, loud and aggressive Chinese business men, for our chance to check-in, we were beyond tired and a bit agitated. Rule 1 in China: If you do not take for yourself, you will go hungry, never make it to the head of the line, miss the buss, never be noticed....etc....Coming from The States & a culture that it is common for doors to be held, lines give a fairness to whose turn it is next, and kindness is something to be desired, it was a shock to our sensibilities. We got a room, not the room we had reserved, because there were none available, so we must pay more to get any room. (How convenient for them) Brian opted for sleeping in the airport, I told him, he'd never live long enough to know how wrong that decision would have been, so we agreed, the overpriced hotel it was! The room was the size of a cruise ship room, it has two single beds a shower that overflowed into the bathroom floor, a small flood was moving into the drain as another was taking care of more private business. We woke at 5:00 to catch the shuttle into the airport. Because we had so much luggage, did not speak the language, and did not plan ahead by asking where we needed to get off, we were at the plight of a very impatient and pretty-much uncaring driver. The first stop, most riders got off, and just as our driver began to get back on board, we worried that this was our stop to disembark and asked if we should get off. Most Chinese grabbed on our sleeves, told us No, but as the driver was already agitated with our uncertainty and "stupidity" he yells to everyone, that this is indeed the place where we MUST get off and starts ripping our luggage off the bus. OK, fairly certain this was just to ditch us and our apparent annoyance to this driver, we reluctantly disembarked! We have no idea where we need to go now and not even sure where to find out where to find out? After a buss ride to the proper terminal, 2 terminals away, we were headed in a positive direction. Our flight, from Beijing to Tokyo, Tokyo to Seattle and Seattle to Spokane, were smooth sailing, and uneventful! We believe that we had a devine appointment with a man and woman, who were born in South Africa, but currently residing in Australia, however travelling to the States for a holiday. A few introductions, conversation quickly led to where we were coming from and why we were in China. We shared our heart for China Orphans and a smile cracked between the four of us, leaving it obvious to all of us that we has a bond. We were all believers, as we next discussed and they shared that they have all they need with one pair of shoes and humble living. (I am assuming they are well off, financially) Bill works as a commercial developer who has donated land and means, specifically for the need and use of orphans! We spoke for a short time, they hurried off to make a flight, but he gave us a card. Everything inside my being believes that we were meant to meet this couple, share this burden of orphans with them, and that there will be a future relationship or meeting!
From the beginning of this mission, Steve, our leader, kept saying, do not overlook any opportunity for a devine appointment. It was not accident that that meeting happened and as our eyes met and we said goodbyes, a connection and understanding was felt. That moment was a significant moment in time, to which we will know why at a later date, I am certain!
Coming down the escalator into the Spokane airport, we see our excited kids standing down below and embraces happen and the time apart seemed minimal as we headed back into our lives! So many people sacrificed for this project to make it happen, My Mom who took two weeks off of her full-time job to parent our kids, our kids who gave up 9 days with their Mom and Dad. Dominic, who covered for Brian at Golf Savings, A.C. who drove us to the airport, and the many who have supported us financially and prayerfully. This project is little pieces of so many lovers of The Lord.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Just One? Can you save just One?
Good morning, from PHF, and our last day here. We will be heading out to Beijing with a bunch of the interns, tonight, as with the unpredictability of traffic and an early flight, lend to possible trouble. We have completed our work and get to sightsee and shop for our last day, as we clean up and pull together all of our scattered stuff. Due to where we are, in the country, outside of Langfang, we have had nothing but authentic Chinese food for every meal. Breakfast has been toast and peanut butter-I can barely get it down because I've been so dehydrated, Lunch is made by the Chinese workers, for the kids, nannies and staff and then we go out to dinner. We went to a Hot Pot place last night, each person gets there own pot of boiling broth and you can add whatever to it to make it to your liking. Leah ordered, Lamb, Beef, vegetables (assorted greens), potatoes (which I ate most of them), Lotus root, weird mushrooms and we were given pickled garlic, peppers and carrots for horsdouvers. It was a lite meal for me, I came home to a growling stomach, but did try everything, but the lamb. Even Leah commented that for a picky person, I was very willing to try things. I have made an effort to try even the most odd things this trip, I haven't liked much, but I have been much braver this time.
Last nights dinner was also a bit odd, so when the tiny pear looking things came to the table, I was ecstatic! They looked like tiny pears on the menu, and Leah assured me they were deep fried pears. I took a confident bite, but did not get any pear...I then became a bit fearful. The next bite was more cautious, and then one of the girls said that she thought it was filled with red bean paste! Needless to say, the donut aroma'd pears were a disappointment! Fooled Again!
Yesterday we followed the Dr. on his rounds, shot some pics of the kitchen crew and then headed out with Mrs. Dr. Moody into town to get some local shots. She took us through the village next to PHF, where Brian & I jumped out to shoot the local housing. Ana & our Chinese speaking assistant, went into fabric, flower and pet shops that were outdoor vendors selling their products. We went to lunch at a beautiful garden restaurant and then came back to finish our photo session with 5 of the older boys, ages 9-13. One of the boys, Grady, who has severe scoliosis and feet issues, is able to walk with crutches, but is still very unstable. As we were walking back to our makeshift studio, he fell and skinned his knee...playing me a bit, but unable to resist, I offered to carry him. I hauled a 75-90 lb boy half way across Shephards Field on a blistering day. Through charades, he managed to tell me I stunk, while others laughed at the sweat dripping down our faces. We did get to see the first blue sky, but the heat was so overwhelming, that we'd be happy to see smog and fog for the rest of the time!
I have had a heart awakening for these children here. When you have the priviledge to enteract with these children, you realize that their "special needs" are really not that dibilitating for them, as they are for how we perceive them. In other words, life goes on for these kids, and they don't know that they are disabled. Having a foot amputated like Gregg, or cleft lip/palate, or missing an eye, or a heart defect, does not stop them from being independent, beautiful children. They are people, souls, Daddy's children, rather than being a certain disease. The fear of these differences has disappeared in meeting these children. Their smiles and laughs are the same as "normal, healthy" children. They desire and deserve to be with a family, have a place to hang there hat. I don't know what our role will be with this information yet. I certainly cannot bring them all home. I don't even know if we are to bring one home, but we will be advocates for these precious children and we know firsthand their potential and their hearts and longings. We have played, hugged, kissed and held these children as if they are our own, but only for a time and they need that everyday, forever! Is that supposed to be you? Just One? Can you save just One? We have gained far more than they have from this week. They probably won't remember it, but we certainly will! Just One? Can you save just One? These children, specifically these boys, age out at 14 years old. They have no future, no hope here. They are orphans and have disabilities, two strikes against them, in a country that values strong boys. Many of these boys were orphaned only recently when their families could no longer care for their medical needs. Just One? Can you save Just One? We did not come here by chance, Our Father brought us here and maybe it was to speak to you! To consider something crazy, out of the ordinary, difficult even. Maybe He is using us to speak to You. Will you listen and speak to Him. Let your heart hurt and feel and then maybe act on it? I couldn't come here and not plea on their behalf. We will post pictures of them when we're back in The States.
As for today, it is July 4th here. The lack of freedom has been so apparent this time. We have so much to be greatful for in the U.S. we are truly blessed.
Off to shower and pack...talk soon,
Gretchen
Last nights dinner was also a bit odd, so when the tiny pear looking things came to the table, I was ecstatic! They looked like tiny pears on the menu, and Leah assured me they were deep fried pears. I took a confident bite, but did not get any pear...I then became a bit fearful. The next bite was more cautious, and then one of the girls said that she thought it was filled with red bean paste! Needless to say, the donut aroma'd pears were a disappointment! Fooled Again!
Yesterday we followed the Dr. on his rounds, shot some pics of the kitchen crew and then headed out with Mrs. Dr. Moody into town to get some local shots. She took us through the village next to PHF, where Brian & I jumped out to shoot the local housing. Ana & our Chinese speaking assistant, went into fabric, flower and pet shops that were outdoor vendors selling their products. We went to lunch at a beautiful garden restaurant and then came back to finish our photo session with 5 of the older boys, ages 9-13. One of the boys, Grady, who has severe scoliosis and feet issues, is able to walk with crutches, but is still very unstable. As we were walking back to our makeshift studio, he fell and skinned his knee...playing me a bit, but unable to resist, I offered to carry him. I hauled a 75-90 lb boy half way across Shephards Field on a blistering day. Through charades, he managed to tell me I stunk, while others laughed at the sweat dripping down our faces. We did get to see the first blue sky, but the heat was so overwhelming, that we'd be happy to see smog and fog for the rest of the time!
I have had a heart awakening for these children here. When you have the priviledge to enteract with these children, you realize that their "special needs" are really not that dibilitating for them, as they are for how we perceive them. In other words, life goes on for these kids, and they don't know that they are disabled. Having a foot amputated like Gregg, or cleft lip/palate, or missing an eye, or a heart defect, does not stop them from being independent, beautiful children. They are people, souls, Daddy's children, rather than being a certain disease. The fear of these differences has disappeared in meeting these children. Their smiles and laughs are the same as "normal, healthy" children. They desire and deserve to be with a family, have a place to hang there hat. I don't know what our role will be with this information yet. I certainly cannot bring them all home. I don't even know if we are to bring one home, but we will be advocates for these precious children and we know firsthand their potential and their hearts and longings. We have played, hugged, kissed and held these children as if they are our own, but only for a time and they need that everyday, forever! Is that supposed to be you? Just One? Can you save just One? We have gained far more than they have from this week. They probably won't remember it, but we certainly will! Just One? Can you save just One? These children, specifically these boys, age out at 14 years old. They have no future, no hope here. They are orphans and have disabilities, two strikes against them, in a country that values strong boys. Many of these boys were orphaned only recently when their families could no longer care for their medical needs. Just One? Can you save Just One? We did not come here by chance, Our Father brought us here and maybe it was to speak to you! To consider something crazy, out of the ordinary, difficult even. Maybe He is using us to speak to You. Will you listen and speak to Him. Let your heart hurt and feel and then maybe act on it? I couldn't come here and not plea on their behalf. We will post pictures of them when we're back in The States.
As for today, it is July 4th here. The lack of freedom has been so apparent this time. We have so much to be greatful for in the U.S. we are truly blessed.
Off to shower and pack...talk soon,
Gretchen
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Orphans
Our Thursday~
First, Wednesday night: We got to go to dinner with the interns, Stacy (an 18 year old orphan that lives here) and Leah, the assistant to Tim who has lived here for 2 years. She took us to Wal-Mart where we bought a few treats we could bring home to the kids, but mostly just looked at all the items they sold there. The most shocking event was when we walked by the fish department and a little girl about 3-4, pulled down her pants, squatted and peed onto the floor. She was probably hardly noticed, or given a second look by all the locals, however, it definitely caught our attention. In Chinese potty training, split-pants are used. They are pants that have a large slice in the bottom area so that they can just squat and take care of business wherever and whenever needed. We saw a little boy pee in the toy store, on the floor and the parents tried to clean it up, but mostly, it was just a puddle on the floor.
Anyway, after that little trip Leah took all 8 of us to a nice restaurant where we were taken into our own private room. Leah and a Chinese staff member ordered our food and we had probably 12 different dishes. Brian and I paid the bill that night, as money is tight for these girls (they have had to raise support) and the total bill for eight people and waters to drink, was 209 Yuan or RMB, which equals about $30.00 American! We had many new treats, most of which were unidentifiable to me, most I braved…it was an adventure! When we came back to PHF, there were three, tiny, puppies lying next to the entry of the Inn. It is an ongoing joke that the Speech Therapist, Carrie, has taken in many baby animals, orphans if you will, and nursed them to health…or in one case, the kitten didn’t quite make it. They were obviously brand new babies and we later found out by the gate guards that they nannies had chased away the mother. The girls brought Carrie down and she, having the tender heart she has, scooped them up, fed them from a preemie bottle and nestled them into a bucket for the night. It’s only appropriate that an orphanage for children would have orphaned puppies and kitties as well!
On to today~ We got up and met with Dr. Moody who helps with the physical needs of the children. We made his morning rounds with him and caught some moments in photos. It is a sunny day again today, so the temperature is overwhelmingly hot and sticky. Within moments outside, we were dripping with sweat and then we had to go into buildings with no air-conditioning and stagnate air, our pours opened up and were literally raining sweat!
We are winding down here, we need to get bath and bedtime photos, but we have to eat dinner off the property, so we are in a dilemma as to how to be in two places at once? We may be able to get massages after shooting the kitchen crew making lunch, and before our afternoon session with the older boys that are staying in the same building as us, as they have school until around 2:30.
Our group should be landing at about this time, so hopefully they are getting home safe and sound. TTFN, Gretchen & Brian, from Langfang, CN
First, Wednesday night: We got to go to dinner with the interns, Stacy (an 18 year old orphan that lives here) and Leah, the assistant to Tim who has lived here for 2 years. She took us to Wal-Mart where we bought a few treats we could bring home to the kids, but mostly just looked at all the items they sold there. The most shocking event was when we walked by the fish department and a little girl about 3-4, pulled down her pants, squatted and peed onto the floor. She was probably hardly noticed, or given a second look by all the locals, however, it definitely caught our attention. In Chinese potty training, split-pants are used. They are pants that have a large slice in the bottom area so that they can just squat and take care of business wherever and whenever needed. We saw a little boy pee in the toy store, on the floor and the parents tried to clean it up, but mostly, it was just a puddle on the floor.
Anyway, after that little trip Leah took all 8 of us to a nice restaurant where we were taken into our own private room. Leah and a Chinese staff member ordered our food and we had probably 12 different dishes. Brian and I paid the bill that night, as money is tight for these girls (they have had to raise support) and the total bill for eight people and waters to drink, was 209 Yuan or RMB, which equals about $30.00 American! We had many new treats, most of which were unidentifiable to me, most I braved…it was an adventure! When we came back to PHF, there were three, tiny, puppies lying next to the entry of the Inn. It is an ongoing joke that the Speech Therapist, Carrie, has taken in many baby animals, orphans if you will, and nursed them to health…or in one case, the kitten didn’t quite make it. They were obviously brand new babies and we later found out by the gate guards that they nannies had chased away the mother. The girls brought Carrie down and she, having the tender heart she has, scooped them up, fed them from a preemie bottle and nestled them into a bucket for the night. It’s only appropriate that an orphanage for children would have orphaned puppies and kitties as well!
On to today~ We got up and met with Dr. Moody who helps with the physical needs of the children. We made his morning rounds with him and caught some moments in photos. It is a sunny day again today, so the temperature is overwhelmingly hot and sticky. Within moments outside, we were dripping with sweat and then we had to go into buildings with no air-conditioning and stagnate air, our pours opened up and were literally raining sweat!
We are winding down here, we need to get bath and bedtime photos, but we have to eat dinner off the property, so we are in a dilemma as to how to be in two places at once? We may be able to get massages after shooting the kitchen crew making lunch, and before our afternoon session with the older boys that are staying in the same building as us, as they have school until around 2:30.
Our group should be landing at about this time, so hopefully they are getting home safe and sound. TTFN, Gretchen & Brian, from Langfang, CN
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
A broken heart
This morning, we made it early, over to one of the houses that the children live in, to take pictures of the morning rituals. At 10:00 p.m. tonight, the day is already a blur, so the next details may be out of order. We hung out for worship with our group, had lunch and then met up with a physical therapist and shadowed her to The Clinic where the children with the biggest need for medical attention stay. The interns name was Iris, she is doing her schooling and having on the job training. She did a marvelous job doing play therapy with the kids. One cultural difference between Chinese parenting and American is that many Chinese tend not to "play" with their kids. The nannies resist getting out toys for the kids, and do not get on the floor and interactively play. So, watching the PT's engage these kids and seeing how they loved to learn was great. Many of the younger kids had gone outside to have playtime, so Brian and I went over to take pictures and hang out with the kids. There is a huge playstructure (probably around a $40,000 US) but they do not use it. We loured a few kids over to it, and gradually, more and more became intrigued and joined in the fun. They had obviously not been even, down the slide because most of them were scared. The nannies did not seem pleased, but the kids were the happiest I'd ever seen. It was some of the greatest moments, watching these kids have such great joy.The other blog worthy event came about when we were in Samartan's House, AKA The Clinic. We had met Mei Mei/Tiffany, a four year old girl who has a heart issue and due to that, her fingers and lips are blue and her legs and arms are stick like. It was explained that due to the work that her heart is doing, it becomes difficult for patients with heart issues to get enough caloric intake to gain weight. Mei Mei cannot walk, but walks on her knees, but mostly rides around on a little car so she can go from room to room. I later asked someone what her prognosis was and I was informed that she had an inoperable heart condition. It absolutely caught me off guard. The many needs that these children have, most are fixable. To hear that this beautiful little girl had no hope for a better life, just knocked me to the ground. It broke my heart and consumed my thoughts today.
We finished the day with our final dinner as a team. The Valley Fourth team is leaving tomorrow. It was great Chinese food and we got to have several dishes we'd never had before. Tomorrow we will be shadowing the Doctor (Dr. Moody), then work on setting up our "studio" and begin doing portrait shots of many of the kids for our book.
Good Night from China....Gretchen & Brian
Monday, June 30, 2008
Monday -
Today we slept in to almost 7:00! We ate, worshiped together and then we had our meeting with Tim Baker. We now have a plan, a place to set up our equipment and an idea of the schedule of the kids and permission to have free reign for going into the "houses" to take pictures of the kids. Tim's idea was to have this book be a day in the life of the children. We toured the many different buildings, housing for the kids and nannies, the kitchen, maintenance building and office. We also got to spend some time with the babies and toddlers, taking pictures and playing and holding them. They are precious! We are trying to learn their names, but it is overwhelming with so many kiddos.
Our group put on the Olympics for the staff and nannies and kids and it was a tremendous success. The kids had a ball and even the usually stoic nannies enjoyed throwing water balloons, racing and getting dressed up with tin foil and toilet paper. We got an enormous cake and prepared American style horsdouvers, then had a Chinese dinner catered. It was great to be a part of something to bless these women who care for these children who don't have a family.
After the festivities, they shot off A LOT of huge fireworks, gave out glow sticks and enjoyed blowing things up, in general. It began to rain, and the moskitos came out with a vengence, so some of us, headed back for cover. We pretty much went to bed after that, it was a full day and left us exhausted. The jet lag and exhaustion showed up today so we are dragging a bit. Tomorrow photography will be our purpose. Sorrry this is late getting posted, we were just too tired to finish.
Today we slept in to almost 7:00! We ate, worshiped together and then we had our meeting with Tim Baker. We now have a plan, a place to set up our equipment and an idea of the schedule of the kids and permission to have free reign for going into the "houses" to take pictures of the kids. Tim's idea was to have this book be a day in the life of the children. We toured the many different buildings, housing for the kids and nannies, the kitchen, maintenance building and office. We also got to spend some time with the babies and toddlers, taking pictures and playing and holding them. They are precious! We are trying to learn their names, but it is overwhelming with so many kiddos.
Our group put on the Olympics for the staff and nannies and kids and it was a tremendous success. The kids had a ball and even the usually stoic nannies enjoyed throwing water balloons, racing and getting dressed up with tin foil and toilet paper. We got an enormous cake and prepared American style horsdouvers, then had a Chinese dinner catered. It was great to be a part of something to bless these women who care for these children who don't have a family.
After the festivities, they shot off A LOT of huge fireworks, gave out glow sticks and enjoyed blowing things up, in general. It began to rain, and the moskitos came out with a vengence, so some of us, headed back for cover. We pretty much went to bed after that, it was a full day and left us exhausted. The jet lag and exhaustion showed up today so we are dragging a bit. Tomorrow photography will be our purpose. Sorrry this is late getting posted, we were just too tired to finish.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Stuck
Sunday 7:30 – 11:42 We woke at 4:30 a.m. this morning, part of the initiation to China. One of our group members heard last night that her adoption consulate appointment had been confirmed and that instead of the anticipated two weeks away, had now been moved up and she would be flying out today to meet her daughter in two days. What a sweet moment to be able to witness, the joy of a mother hearing the day that she will meet her new daughter.After showering and preparing for our day, we loaded onto our bus to head for BICF (Beijing International Christian Fellowship) for church. We soon found that due to preparation for the Olympics trumped any other purpose for using the roads. The main highway used to travel from Langfang to Beijing was basically closed down, leaving us stuck in gridlock, stopped (parked) traffic for an unknown amount of time. We have missed church by hours, have limited snacks and drinks, no access to a restroom, and are on a bus that when stopped and turned off, fills with the hot and humid air that surrounds us. In remaining optimistic, we looked for opportunities to see what God may have planned, in spite of our goals today. We are traveling with a Chinese woman, who now lives in Seattle, who has the gift of evangelism. She has known the Lord for about 9 years and literally shares with every person she comes into contact with. We have had the same driver the past two days and she was led by the Holy Spirit to share her testimony and invite him to be saved. She prayed with him and he accepted Jesus as his personal savior. Judy has left a trail of believers behind her, every step of this trip, including a woman who works for PHF who was not a believer. What a small sacrifice, in the grand scheme of life, for another soul in heaven.
As for BICF, I did not understand, how a church preaching to gospel could be in China, so as I asked our leader, Steve and a local missionary, they explained that China is all about “freedom.” The government does not want to appear oppressive, so due to the large amount of international students and business related visitors, they allow this church, available ONLY for foreigners. You must show a passport to gain entry.
Before leaving this morning, we were introduced to a few of the orphans who are currently living in the Inn at PHF. A new “House” where they will reside and be cared for is being built, so their temporary housing is where visitors to PHF stay. They ranged in age from 2 – 12. The older boys were extremely excited to meet us and be touched and loved on by us. One boy, Joseph, leaped into Brian’s arms and there remained for quite some time, with his arms and legs, tightly wrapped around his body. They were intrigued with my hat and enjoyed stealing it and trying it on. We wished we spoke the language as communication was not easy and left so many things we would have spoken, left unsaid. The boys had some type of disabilities, with their legs, one was blind in one eye, and a girl had repaired cleft lip/palate, but as beautifully put by Harry Amend, each child has their disabilities, some on the outside and some on the inside. They are all unique and have a need all their own. I have noticed that since they are not in a family, they have definite boundary issues. Our experience with orphanage children has been that, although their basic needs, may or may not have been met, there has been no teaching of right from wrong, not having to comply in a world that has rules and social boundaries.
We arrived in Beijing, around 1:00, with a lesson in patience, which we apparently needed. We were dropped off at The Temple of Heaven, an enormous park and buildings built by Emperors to pray and make offerings to god, for the harvest. It reminded us of The Forbidden City that we had visited 2 years previously. Everything has significance, the colors, the numbers of items, down to the last detail. We then headed to a market where we were able to do our shopping, bartering and being okay with walking away from something we wanted if the price was not right. Being the second time we have experienced China, we did not waste time looking at items, but got right to work naming our price and making our purchase. We then headed to an Acrobatic Show, which was an amazing show of strength, dedication and practice. We are now on our way back to PHF where we can recuperate and prepare for our first “Real” day of work. Tomorrow we will be at PHF all day and hopefully get some direction and specifics nailed down with our mission.
To the boys: The kids seem to get our attention because we miss you guys so much! Today we had fun buying some gifts to bring home to your and Grace. You will be happy with our finds, but we don’t want to ruin the surprise.
To Grace: Every Chinese girl I see reminds me of you and how I miss you. We also found some cute girlie things for our princess that we will bring home!
Love you all, and please be nice to my mommy!
Saturday, June 28, 2008
We made it!
Date: Unknown
We are here, safe and exhausted! After a full 24 hour day of flying, we jogged into Beijing around 10:30 p.m. (China time). We arrived with all of our luggage, exchanged our money and were greeting by a driver for PHF, who drove us to our long awaited bed! We finally got to bed around 1:00 a.m., awoke at 5:45, showered, ate, and climbed onto the bus to head for The Great Wall. It was a 3 hour drive, to and fro, so much of our time was spent en route, yet again today. We had work to do, 2 Senior portraits on The Wall, then a short time to get a few shots for our book. We were accosted by vendors before heading out to Beijing for some walking the streets and a Szechuan Dinner. Sorry for the lack of details, but we are going to bed, to keep our bodies strong, although, we have boisterous thunder and hail sounding rain, pounding on the rooftop.
We have a busy day planned for tomorrow, we will be with the group to attend church, which will be awesome. I believe I have heard rumblings about it being a church for foreigners. It seems that it may have more liberties than the government regulated churches for the Chinese people? Doesn’t make much sense, but I’ll tell you what we find out. China is just as beautiful as it was two years ago and it feels good to be back!
For our kids: We miss you tremendously, we ate dinner with a family who has lived here for two years and have 2 boys. They brought their Nintendo to the table and reminded me of you! There are so many things we would love for you to see with us, but you’ll appreciate it when you’re a little older. Even mommy is getting crabby from lack of sleep! Love you, talk later, goodnight from China!
We are here, safe and exhausted! After a full 24 hour day of flying, we jogged into Beijing around 10:30 p.m. (China time). We arrived with all of our luggage, exchanged our money and were greeting by a driver for PHF, who drove us to our long awaited bed! We finally got to bed around 1:00 a.m., awoke at 5:45, showered, ate, and climbed onto the bus to head for The Great Wall. It was a 3 hour drive, to and fro, so much of our time was spent en route, yet again today. We had work to do, 2 Senior portraits on The Wall, then a short time to get a few shots for our book. We were accosted by vendors before heading out to Beijing for some walking the streets and a Szechuan Dinner. Sorry for the lack of details, but we are going to bed, to keep our bodies strong, although, we have boisterous thunder and hail sounding rain, pounding on the rooftop.
We have a busy day planned for tomorrow, we will be with the group to attend church, which will be awesome. I believe I have heard rumblings about it being a church for foreigners. It seems that it may have more liberties than the government regulated churches for the Chinese people? Doesn’t make much sense, but I’ll tell you what we find out. China is just as beautiful as it was two years ago and it feels good to be back!
For our kids: We miss you tremendously, we ate dinner with a family who has lived here for two years and have 2 boys. They brought their Nintendo to the table and reminded me of you! There are so many things we would love for you to see with us, but you’ll appreciate it when you’re a little older. Even mommy is getting crabby from lack of sleep! Love you, talk later, goodnight from China!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Leaving the kids behind
Good Morning, on the last time from The Red, White & Blue. Our flight leaves at 11:20 a.m., so we're up, but just relaxing before our short jaunt across the world. Yesterday proved to be extremely stressful. Fear became overwhelming. Things that have taken me nine years to perfect, having to be transfered to Gran in moments, just aren't done justice. Leaving the kids, specifically Grace who is with me constantly, is a weighing heavy on me. Regardless, China is our mission and we are on our way! Pray for peace and safety for us and the kids and "Gran" left at home!
We visited a friend, yesterday, in the hospital, who Brian met when he first got into the Mortgage business. He worked for years with Patrick, and then when Patrick opened his own company, Brian worked there for a time. He was diagnosed with strep that became septic and infected his chest, including his lungs. One lung fully collapsed and filled with liquid, the other partially collapsed. His prognosis was uncertain, but headed for surgery last night to help stablize his lungs. We have not heard anything yet, but please also keep Patrick and his family (2 sons in high school & a daughter in 2nd grade -wife, parents, siblings) in your prayers.
We visited a friend, yesterday, in the hospital, who Brian met when he first got into the Mortgage business. He worked for years with Patrick, and then when Patrick opened his own company, Brian worked there for a time. He was diagnosed with strep that became septic and infected his chest, including his lungs. One lung fully collapsed and filled with liquid, the other partially collapsed. His prognosis was uncertain, but headed for surgery last night to help stablize his lungs. We have not heard anything yet, but please also keep Patrick and his family (2 sons in high school & a daughter in 2nd grade -wife, parents, siblings) in your prayers.
Monday, June 23, 2008
China Team Prayer List
Here is the list of names of each person on our team, to be lifting up in prayer. I will only put first names, to protect their identity: Ethan, Mel, Ashley, Rhiannon, Judy, Lori, Sarah, Sam, Melissa, Steve, Carrie, Grace, Scott, Cindy, Cory, Erin, David, Leona, Evan, Clay, Jewel, Emily, Charlene, Lori Anne, Steve, Kristie and Brian & I.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
"So much to say...so little time!"
First, here is the blog where the group that we are traveling with are posting about their experience. http://phf-2008.blogspot.com/ They are currently over in China, we will be joining them in 4 DAYS!
These past weeks are a blur...the last weeks of school, field trips, school BBQ, gifts for teachers, baseball....planning for our trip, church, home, kids, life. The kids are now out of school for the summer and so begins a new season. Grace is not thrilled to have to share me with the boys, she is used to our quiet days. It will take some time for us all to accustom to being together 24/7. As to the details, well, I can't really remember. There's too much to share, So much to say, so little time! We'll post regularly while in China!
Monday, June 2, 2008
"Sadness with hope."
"Sadness with hope." That is how a close friend of The Chapman Family expressed how the family is doing. Isn't that a perfect description of how this world is? So many tragic things happen and only in Heaven will the sadness be removed!
Last night was our final meeting with our China Missions Team, until we meet in China. It is very encouraging to be together with people who have the same desire, to serve in China, despite our probable differences, but we all come together and are united by a passion that the Lord has placed in us. We will be leaving in 24 days! Please be praying with us that God will guide our time, pictures, hearts, minds, conversations, health and use us completely for what His will is for us. We have a lot of "work" to do for the photo book that we have roughly sketched out in our minds, but we want to be flexible to serve relationally as well as with our gifts and abilities. Pray that everything with packing and preparing my Mom and the kids for staying behind, will come together smoothly.
Last night was our final meeting with our China Missions Team, until we meet in China. It is very encouraging to be together with people who have the same desire, to serve in China, despite our probable differences, but we all come together and are united by a passion that the Lord has placed in us. We will be leaving in 24 days! Please be praying with us that God will guide our time, pictures, hearts, minds, conversations, health and use us completely for what His will is for us. We have a lot of "work" to do for the photo book that we have roughly sketched out in our minds, but we want to be flexible to serve relationally as well as with our gifts and abilities. Pray that everything with packing and preparing my Mom and the kids for staying behind, will come together smoothly.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Maria Sue Chapman (2003-2008)Maria Sue Chapman, adopted and youngest daughter to Mary Beth and Steven Curtis Chapman, was killed Wednesday night in a tragic accident in the family driveway on Wednesday evening. She was LifeFlighted to Vanderbilt Children's Hospital but for only reasons God can explain she went home to Him... not to Franklin as we all so desperately wanted.Your prayers are needed for all in the Chapman family. This is a family who has so generously loved and given to so many. Just hours before this close knit family was celebrating the engagement of the oldest daughter Emily Chapman, and were just hours away from a graduation party marking Caleb Chapman's completion of high school. Now, they are preparing to bury a child who blew out 5 candles on a birthday cake less than 10 days ago. These words are unthinkable to type. - Jim Houser (Manager)
Our family, the adoption community and so many other supporters of the Chapman Family, humbly pray ! Maria was adopted from The Philip Hayden Foundation (PHF) where we will be headed next month.
We are not guaranteed one more day, but the reality of that kind of a loss is overwhelming. I cannot fathom loosing a child. Even as we tredge though a tough week and month with our kids and discipline and tantrums, we are blessed to have, Just One More Day with them! Steven Curtis Chapman had recently written a song, inspired by his two youngest daughters, Stevey Joy and Maria (5), both adopted from China.
It is called, "Cinderella" and its lyrics are as follows and are so appropriate:
She spins and she sways
To whatever song plays
Without a care in the world
And I'm sitting here wearing
The weight of the world on my shoulders
It's been a long day
And there's still work to do
She's pulling at me
Saying "Dad, I need you
There's a ball at the castle
And I've been invited
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"
So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone...
She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed
She wants to know if I approve of the dress
She says, "Dad, the prom is just one week away
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"
So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone
She will be gone
Well, she came home today with a ring on her hand
Just glowing and telling us all they had planned
She says, "Dad, the wedding's still six months away
But I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"
So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
China Quake
"The death toll from the quake rose to 41,353 by noon on Wednesday, and 274,683 were injured, according to the Information Office of the State Council. The number of missing has been put at 32,666." ~As reported by China Daily.com
Friday, May 16, 2008
Fun-Run??
Today, at the kids' school, the race was on! Here are our two handsome boys!
After a long morning in the sun, we went out to "The State Line," in Post Falls, ID, where our final fundraiser for our trip to China was held. "Cruisers" is a biker bar, that was offered to our group to host a Spaghetti feed. It is a drive thru bar, where bikers can come to hang out and show off their motorcycle. It was quite out of our element, an adventure for sure. Pictures to come, of the spaghetti fundraiser!
Monday, May 12, 2008
China Earthquake
CHENGDU, China - "A powerful earthquake toppled buildings, schools and chemical plants Monday in central China, killing about 10,000 people and trapping untold numbers in mounds of concrete, steel and earth in the country's worst quake in three decades. Although initially measured at 7.8 magnitude, the U.S. Geological Survey later revised its assessment of the quake to 7.9. Its depth — about six miles below the surface, according to the USGS — gave the tremor such wide impact, geologists said." By WILLIAM FOREMAN, Associated Press Writer
Please be praying for the families who lost so much.
Friday, May 9, 2008
"Saving Levi," The Conclusion
I finished the book, "Saving Levi," by Lisa Misraje Bentley, today. I wanted to share a few of the impactful moments for me, in this book. The book is a compilation of miracles by God to bring this little, burned, and near death boy, to a "Forever Family." Beyond the odds, this story shares how each step of the process to rescue him and save him from sure and certain death, was each orchestrated by God, though prayer and people being led and moving in obedience, through compassion to help this child. Without giving the details, Levi was transferred to Shiners Hospital in Boston for the best possible care. He made many trips back and forth from China to the States to continue a regimen of surgeries, as each time he would grow, his skin would bleed because scar tissue does not stretch. How can we equate this to our lives? God stretches us, and we ache, not able to take the pain from this stretching. This I know well!Lisa shares a powerful story from a famous missionary, George Mueller. Mueller, who helped thousands of orphans, but was in constant financial need, would pray for God's provision. "He prayed, and milk would miraculously show up at his door right before he needed it." Each answer to prayer was "milk on the doorstep."
"Saw the face of Jesus in a little orphan girl. She was standing in the corner on the other side of the world. And I heard the voice of Jesus gently whisper to my heart. Didn't you say you wanted to find me? Well here I am, here you are.
So, What now? What will you do now that you found Me? What now? What will you do with this treasure you've found? I know I may not look like what you expected. But if you remember this is right where I said I would be. You've found me. What now?"
So, What now? What will you do now that you found Me? What now? What will you do with this treasure you've found? I know I may not look like what you expected. But if you remember this is right where I said I would be. You've found me. What now?"
~written by Steven Curtis Chapman, after seeing the face of Miao Miao/Orly, an orphan who's adoptions fell through three times.
Orly was adopted by John & Lisa! The adoption of Levi, was also completed in September 2006 and Lisa states, "Levi may have been left in a field to die, but through God's providence, this boy was destined to live."
You were shown these things so that you might know that the Lord is God, besides him there is no other. -Deuteronomy 4:35
Lisa, and her husband, John, founded Harmony Outreach http://www.harmonyoutreach.org/, to continue in their desire to help orphans and match them to adoptive families.
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