Life with Purpose

I have so many things rolling through my mind, I feel the need to "purge" some of it and give it a place to rest...therefore, I blog! Besides our own chaos with our home being ripped apart to clean and pack, two of our closest friends have gone through, and are going through some enormous storms. My friend and accountability partner, Angie's youngest son "K" was rushed to the ER and into surgery with a folded intestine. We were all scared and in spite of the unknowns and possibilities for huge problems, he sustained the surgery great, a portion of the intestine was removed, stitched and two days later, he is being weaned off of meds, the cath. and on the road to complete recovery! Praise God! Other friends of ours, are faced with probably one of the biggest events in their life, thus far. Kim was diagnosed with breast cancer, 3 tumors, travelled to the nodes, and will require, chemo., surgery and radiation. Tomorrow she has a port placed to begin the first of her many chemo's required to stop and shut down these rogue cells. People are always too young, and too healthy and have too many kids and things that depend on them, but cancer and bad things don't care to avoid them. Jeff & Kim have 7 kids, ages 17-5, and she is "too young" and "too busy," but cancer doesn't care about circumstances! And so, they deal, and fight and pray! We also heard from the leader of our China missions trip, Steve, who is returning to China in a few weeks with a different team. He found that his Visa was denied and he is not able to enter China! He is resubmitting and completing an explanation letter and again, we pray! My first reaction is: Wow, Satan is sure busy.
As I re-read through one of my favorite books, "Purpose Driven Life," statements that I underlined many years ago, catch my attention. Statements like: "...you don't get to choose your purpose." Whether its to the ped's ICU staff, the oncologist, or people you come into contact with everyday? "God never does anything accidentally, and he never makes mistakes."
Next lesson, more applicable to where we are: "Self worth and net worth are not the same." "Purpose always produces passion. Purpose focuses your life. It concentrates your effort and energy on what's important. People who don't know their purpose try to do too much. If you can't get it all done, it means you're trying to do more than God intended for you to do." And one of my favorites: "Never confuse activity with productivity."
At this moment of disorder, I feel productive. I/We have a goal and are moving towards a purpose. One that shakes everything we've called stability and God's faithfulness before. Where you feel you're following God's commands because you're being blessed on this road. This is different, this is being blessed as I move down the path of uncertainty and what may seem like misfortune to this world. Hmm, they must not have been faithful...look how God is cursing them. Leaving a large house, an amazing community, a supportive church, more friends than we could ever dream, surely this is a consequence for our sin. Whomever is faithful with a little will be given much, replays in my mind over and over...I'm my best critic, my best interrogator and judge! But God says, "I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you a hope and a good future." Jeremiah 29:11 and so, "We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18 "This world is not your home, so don't make yourselves cozy in it." 1 Peter 2:11
For those who read this, this is not a sermon, this is a journal. This is where my heart is right now. These are the principles that God is trying to teach me, AGAIN. Maybe in a new way, maybe with deeper meaning, but probably, just Again because I didn't get it the first 10 times.
My first thought in hearing that Steve may not be able to lead the team to China, "Brian should go!" Maybe this is part of this enormous plan I don't understand? He's Available! My Mom mentioned this and made me say it out-loud, for I had kept it to myself when it had crossed my mind! SSsssshhhh! God certainly wants me to go too, I think selfishly! Philippians 2: 3-5 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider to hers better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." And so I stand corrected and mention this to Brian. He confirms that it too had entered his thoughts. It makes complete sense and absolutely no sense, both at the same time. It probably won't even come to it, but I'm learning that God is sometimes more interested in knowing our heart when the poo-hits-the-road, rather than us making pious statements of what we would do if the situation would ever present itself, knowing in our safety that it won't. Will you sell the Suburban, the Lord asks of me? No thanks, there must be better ways. Let's think rational, into the future with two old cars, instead of at least one luxury vehicle. I am pressed more and more to consider giving up my leather interior, dual position seats, expanded seating and of course, safety features, snow reliability. Of course it makes the most sense to keep it. But God's question was "will you give it up?" I sat in crummy old minivans with no accessories and pouted. God's not even asking me to give up my life, only my convenience and I'm a huge baby and have to think about it! I'm guessing I won't be first pick on God's team of Dodge ball. "She whines too much." "That girl needs to toughin' up some."
W H A T!! she screams, show me my path! Oh yeah, back to the story, I get her (the car) cleaned up in all her glory and get her on CraigsList. We get a few calls, nothing we really entertain that would better our position and feel that it has all been a play to reveal motives and ability to sacrifice. One more thing: The minute I did surrender the Suburban, nothing ever came about to close the deal. I still drive my cush Suburban, but know that God's only going to ask me once next time and my answer'd better be a quick YES. Anyway, where can all my books, scrap booking supplies fit, if I can't fill it in my Burban'? News Flash, It's Not About Me!