While we often talk about China and adoption in our house, this past year in Grace's life, she has become more aware & contemplative. Her questions come more often and she is putting together the pieces and meaning of adoption in her mind.
It broke my heart to know that as she matured, she'd not only hear the amazement side of her adoption story, but also feel the tinge of hurt and experience loss. The Story of GRACE has changed the course of everything! {Doesn't it always!!} Despair in wanting a baby, the HOPE adoption brings and the JOY in the experience is beyond words.
***This song is for GRACE!
THE GIFT (Jim Brickman)
Winter snow is falling down
Children laughing all around
Lights are turning on
like a fairy tale come true.
Sitting by the fire we made
You're the answer when I prayed
I would find someone
and baby I found you.
All I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more every day
You saved my heart
from being broken apart
You gave your love away
and I'm thankful every day
for the gift.
Watching as you softly sleep
What I'd give if I could keep
Just this moment
if only time stood still.
But the colors fade away
And the years will make us grey
But baby in my eyes
You'll still be beautiful.
All I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more every day
You saved my heart
from being broken apart
You gave your love away
And I'm thankful every day
for the gift.
All I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more every day
You saved my heart
from being broken apart
You gave your love away
I can't find the words to say
That I'm thankful every day
for the gift.
Yesterday, we were talking about Cyrus, our Boston Terrier and she asked if he missed his mom. I really felt, we were no longer talking about the dog, but how she may be feeling. I asked her if she missed her China mom...she broke down, tear-eyed and said in her sweet, delicate little voice..."I don't even remember what she looks like."
I held her...
we found a picture of her "Finding Spot," and talked in more detail than we ever had.
She needs to know.
It pains me greatly.
We do not know any specifics, just about the One Child Policy imposed in 1979 and how it has caused many children, many infant girls, to be placed into orphanages.
Because of our belief in GOD, we know that He knew and ordained Grace to be in our family. Even when God's plan come together in miraculous order, there can still be pain.
Grace, I LOVE YOU more and deeper than I ever thought I could experience love. The miracle of you coming to our family only makes me more grateful for you. The color of our skin may be different, our eyes are not the same, but YOU ARE a part of me! I feel your joy & your pain! Our family is not complete without YOU! Thank you GOD for THE GIFT!
Friday, December 9, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Forgetfulness and my Ebenezer stone
I am forgetful! I know this about myself and have tools in-place in my life to compensate for it, but I do still forget. This seems to coincide with human, sinful nature and my relationship with God. This past week, God has literally, placed me where I needed to be (working miraculous to get me there), given me and idea and words to accomplish this task (miraculous enough to MOVE a CEO of a bank to place a personal phone call to my husband about a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and I STILL have DOUBT and fear and disbelief!!!! I know...
I am humbled back into God's Word and his arms because I cannot do it on my own. Even the Mac-Daddy of miracles, and I still remain faithless. I found the Old Testament story of the Israelites victory over the Philistines, led by Samuel. How, while they ..."were afraid" (v7) and "They said to Samuel, Do not stop crying out to the LORD our God for us, that he may rescue us from the hand of the Philistines." (v8) and then Samuel offered a sacrifice and cried out to God. "He cried out to the LORD on Israel's behalf, and the LORD answered him." (v9) And after that victory, 12"Samuel took a stone and set it up between Miszpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, "Thus far has the LORD helped us." 13 So the Philistines were subdued and did not invade Israelite territory again."
In the story, I am the Israelites, who continue to not get it! I hear God's voice, strong and clear, I feel God's presence, I feel God's direction, and yet, moments later I stumble. I giggle when I read James 1:23-24, and yet, it suddenly isn't so funny because I find myself doing it. 23 "Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like." Moments after God has revealed Himself in miraculous ways, I forget.
God, I offer a sacrifice of myself, my pride, my fear, my control, my doubt. I know You are good and that Your timing is not mine, that faith is a moment by moment choice and I choose to believe even though I am fearful and weak. Please increase my faith. I write this as my Ebenezer stone, remembering and commemorating that the LORD helped us.
I am humbled back into God's Word and his arms because I cannot do it on my own. Even the Mac-Daddy of miracles, and I still remain faithless. I found the Old Testament story of the Israelites victory over the Philistines, led by Samuel. How, while they ..."were afraid" (v7) and "They said to Samuel, Do not stop crying out to the LORD our God for us, that he may rescue us from the hand of the Philistines." (v8) and then Samuel offered a sacrifice and cried out to God. "He cried out to the LORD on Israel's behalf, and the LORD answered him." (v9) And after that victory, 12"Samuel took a stone and set it up between Miszpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, "Thus far has the LORD helped us." 13 So the Philistines were subdued and did not invade Israelite territory again."
In the story, I am the Israelites, who continue to not get it! I hear God's voice, strong and clear, I feel God's presence, I feel God's direction, and yet, moments later I stumble. I giggle when I read James 1:23-24, and yet, it suddenly isn't so funny because I find myself doing it. 23 "Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like." Moments after God has revealed Himself in miraculous ways, I forget.
God, I offer a sacrifice of myself, my pride, my fear, my control, my doubt. I know You are good and that Your timing is not mine, that faith is a moment by moment choice and I choose to believe even though I am fearful and weak. Please increase my faith. I write this as my Ebenezer stone, remembering and commemorating that the LORD helped us.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Divine Appointment
...HE CALLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, now that doesn't mean much because I have not told the rest of the story...so here it goes...
Since taking the job and working events, my schedule takes place in the evenings. Many things happen during our week, being a typical busy family with sports, string and choir concerts, special occasions, biblestudy etc...so my general philosophy has been to let God be in control of making my schedule and request as little off as possible, without missing HUGELY important events in my family.
My middle son had a birthday coming up and I opted not to request the day off, but again, lay it in God's capable hands and make his special day whatever one I wasn't working.
I got my schedule and I was scheduled to work his birthday, we rearranged things so we could do a family celebration the day before and his party was the day after. No Problem (a little guilt though, to be completely honest.) I then received an e-mail from my employer saying that the event had been moved and I'd be off!!
Hurray, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
All was great until I got a call from work, the day before his birthday, asking me to fill in for another event, on that same night. After talking to Brian and feeling at peace, I agreed and was scheduled to work an "In Home," event at a clients personal residence. I soon learned that the party was a formal baby shower and the host was the CEO and Chairman of a local B A N K! (Hmmm) We went to the event, set-up, served, hosted and I prayed that an opportunity may arise for me to make a connection for Brian, in regards to a possible job lead.
The party ended, and while I am a bold writer, I am very shy and professional in person, careful not to mix personal with work. We get ready to leave and the hosts give me a check, as a gratuity. Now, the amount was almost THREE TIMES, any gratuity I had ever received and while my bottom lip hit the floor, I excitedly drove away, praising God for this blessing, especially, in knowing the struggles I had had in working this particular evening.
While driving home and just talking to God about the irony of me being in the CEO of a BANKS house, while we are desperately trying to find my husband a job (with 15 years of finance experience!!) it becomes even clearer that this was a DIVINE APPOINTMENT, set by God and should not be wasted! God continued to impress upon me that I should send the generous amount back, share part of our story, and ask him for something far more valuable....his time.
While I am confident with my own writing ability, this letter was truly God inspired! It was not ME! The words poured out, exuding honesty, vulnerability and asking for something far beyond my wildest dreams...a personal meeting and consideration for a position within his company for my husband.
The letter was sent on Friday, we received a call fourteen days later!! PRAISE GOD! He moved moutains!!
Ok, now that doesn't mean much because I have not told the rest of the story...so here it goes...
Since taking the job and working events, my schedule takes place in the evenings. Many things happen during our week, being a typical busy family with sports, string and choir concerts, special occasions, biblestudy etc...so my general philosophy has been to let God be in control of making my schedule and request as little off as possible, without missing HUGELY important events in my family.
My middle son had a birthday coming up and I opted not to request the day off, but again, lay it in God's capable hands and make his special day whatever one I wasn't working.
I got my schedule and I was scheduled to work his birthday, we rearranged things so we could do a family celebration the day before and his party was the day after. No Problem (a little guilt though, to be completely honest.) I then received an e-mail from my employer saying that the event had been moved and I'd be off!!
Hurray, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
All was great until I got a call from work, the day before his birthday, asking me to fill in for another event, on that same night. After talking to Brian and feeling at peace, I agreed and was scheduled to work an "In Home," event at a clients personal residence. I soon learned that the party was a formal baby shower and the host was the CEO and Chairman of a local B A N K! (Hmmm) We went to the event, set-up, served, hosted and I prayed that an opportunity may arise for me to make a connection for Brian, in regards to a possible job lead.
The party ended, and while I am a bold writer, I am very shy and professional in person, careful not to mix personal with work. We get ready to leave and the hosts give me a check, as a gratuity. Now, the amount was almost THREE TIMES, any gratuity I had ever received and while my bottom lip hit the floor, I excitedly drove away, praising God for this blessing, especially, in knowing the struggles I had had in working this particular evening.
While driving home and just talking to God about the irony of me being in the CEO of a BANKS house, while we are desperately trying to find my husband a job (with 15 years of finance experience!!) it becomes even clearer that this was a DIVINE APPOINTMENT, set by God and should not be wasted! God continued to impress upon me that I should send the generous amount back, share part of our story, and ask him for something far more valuable....his time.
While I am confident with my own writing ability, this letter was truly God inspired! It was not ME! The words poured out, exuding honesty, vulnerability and asking for something far beyond my wildest dreams...a personal meeting and consideration for a position within his company for my husband.
The letter was sent on Friday, we received a call fourteen days later!! PRAISE GOD! He moved moutains!!
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