Friday, June 26, 2009

"Nothing moves the world like a loving church" -Brad Franklin

I'll give you the short version of our life predicament: Went to PHF (a Special Needs Orphanage in China), met Mei Mei-Tiffany, Grady, Gregg, Elijah & many others, but those were the kids that truly left a lasting impression on our hearts. The kind that forces you into motion, not just to dream. We truly felt God was calling us to pursue adoption again, only this time for one of these SN kids, putting our hearts on the line in a totally new way, accepting that hurt would most likely emanate. After wrestling, heartache and prayer, we felt prompted to move forward with Mei Mei. We began researching and found that she indeed may be adoptable...THEN, my husband lost his job and our sole income. We have since, lost our house, moved 2 states and are living with MIL, no job prospects, living completely by faith, as we have nothing else to rely upon, but frustrated that God's timing is not ours. (I know we're not alone in this!) These children haunt me, but I am helpless to change their circumstances. In the midst of this, we have felt a calling to look into full-time ministry in China and are in the beginning stages of researching organizations and looking into what our specific needs as a family would be and what organization matches our passion for China along with the details and unique support we'd need to succeed as a family in another country and culture, so different from our own. As I have mentioned previously, we met a family who has committed themselves to being long-term missionaries in Argentina. They are Phil & Wendy and little Isabella Perez. http://web.mac.com/philandwendy/Site/Home_Page.html They invited us over for dinner this past week and knowing that they are many steps ahead of us in this call to missions, we took full opportunity to grill them with tough questions. Not only were they happy to share their journey with us, but with such grace and beauty, began to talk us through some of the difficult issues a family has to address and overcome when deciding to give up a "normal" lifestyle and live out of the calling that God is pressing on you. We talked about passion, financial aspects, grieving the loss of your home and the familiar, being confident in what you will need to succeed, training, what others' may say or think of your decisions, walking in faith that your financial needs will be met, health care in another country, that not everyone understands, education for your children...so many different things that are involved. Phil & Wendy are both passionate about College Campus ministry and have partnered with the Navigators outreach group to work at The University of La Plata to begin implementing ministry for the 100,000 students attending this University. Just as our eyes light up when we begin talking about China, their eyes sparkle when they get to share about this opportunity in Argentina. Please share in praying for them and if God ignites a spark to financially partner with them in this ministry please contact them directly through their website, or I can direct you into finding out more!
We are especially thankful for the new relationships that we are experiencing and although these past weeks have been a huge trial, we have also had such blessing. We finished up with Lakeside's (http://www.lakesidechurch.org/) "BLiTZ" or their version of VBS, this week! I honestly have not experienced such exhaustion, but as when our kids were infants! Four Days of 940+ kids, worship, crafts, bounce-house/water & story times that were amazingly created by the hundreds of volunteers made this week a success in fun, but also in representing God to the Folsom community. Brian was lead photographer for this event and was pushed physically, emotionally and professionally, while I was merely responsible for 7-5th grade boys and 2-5th grade girls. Here is my humble group: Gretchen, Carson, Nnambi, Ryan, Mitchell, co-leader Conner, Cameron, Cami, Eliza & Christopher. (Spenser was MIA) One of our pastor's recently shared that not many things can compare with the Love of Christ followers on a mission. (His quote was: "Nothing moves the world like a loving church." Brad Franklin) It is life changing, and this week is nothing short of that Truth. What else could/would motivate 500+ volunteers to give of themselves for no financial gain, other than to serve The Lord? When God's people move, the world or community, feels it and we were honored to be a small part of such an enormous project!

Monday, June 15, 2009

Meanwhile....

Sunday, we had the pleasure of hearing Libby Vincent speak at Lakeside Church. Her message title was "MEANWHILE...."
2 Corinthians 4:16-5:10 (New International Version)

16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 5
1Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. 2Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, 3because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. 4For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
6Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord.
7We live by faith, not by sight.

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for a certain of what we do not see.

These words, guarantee and certain are ideas that seem so abstract to me. Hearing and seeing these promises in God's Word are reason for hope! Each time I find something in the Bible that meets me just where I am, I seem surprised? How can God know me this well? Even the humbling-grumbling I do? I'm assured that I do not have the market on these struggles. I keep finding reasons for hope, but I'm having a hard time feeling confident in hope. I think that if I really could claim hope, my attitude would be in a better place. My perspective would reflect this assured hope and knowing it's only temporary would somehow make it easier to endure. Libby talked about showing ourselves grace and that some days, the fact that "We just show up," reveals our faith. Sometimes the ideals that the Church seems to sell is this unrealistic joy. In Ecclesiastes 3:4 there is... "a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance." Living fully in the heart that God has given us ensures disappointments. I struggle living in my emotional reality and faking a joy that really isn't there because it's what a "good christian woman" would have. The truth is, I am heartbroken. The life I knew and loved has faded away. I innately respond like a cat does when you get the idea to give it a bath. There is a lot of stiff legs, claws come out, a screaming sound you've never quite heard before pierces your ears and even if you successfully bathe it, there's many marks to remind you it may not be a good idea to repeat. I'm trying to relax, but it not a natural state. It's like when I've gotten a massage and the entire time, I'm thinking..."RELAX, RELAX, RELAX!" My reaction is to tense and fold in, like so many creatures, I want to protect, and self-preserve. God is challenging me to let Him be my protector, reserve my strength for the upcoming job, not panic and gasp for air, but float!

Friday, June 5, 2009

God's answer to my heartbreak~

This week has been an incredibly difficult one for me. As we are approaching the 4 month mark, here in California and still no job in sight, my hope is fading. It is so difficult not seeing the end of this treacherous road, every turn, it seems the finish line might be around the bend, but it never comes. I know when we get through this I'll look back at myself with disdain for not having more faith, but hindsight always reveals the truth we cannot see in the moment. I am struggling to keep my emotions in check and not let them rule me. I am not having much success! As I was in the car alone a few days ago, I called out to God, begging for relief. It is not always that I feel such a direct Word from God, but I could hear this song playing as my heart broke and I let it out to God. He answered: "Why are you still searching? As if I'm not enough? To where will you go child, Tell me where will you run? To where will you run? Please don't fight these hands that are holding you. My hands are holding you."

Click on my playlist, song #1 to listen!

"By Your Side"
by Tenth Avenue North
From the album Over And Underneath

Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching?
As if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child,
Tell me where will you run?
To where will you run?

Chorus:
Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands, at my side
They swallowed the grave, on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life

Chorus:
Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
And I, I love you
And I want you to know
That I, I'll love you

Pepe Le PEW!





So last night, our 10 year old son created a trap to catch kittens...his philosophy on why one of Grammie's cats disappeared (to have babies). Instead, he managed to actually catch a skunk! He was thrilled and it was huge excitement for our family as we laughed over his homemade trap of boxes and a stick that would fall when hit. So tonight, with Dad home, we hoped to catch a repeat on film. Instead of the skunk knocking the stick, Jonah pulled the string tied to the stick, which made the flap close and capture him. I think he suspected foul play and left a little gift of his own, so now all we can smell is skunk pew, pew and potpourri, trying to cover the skunk odor! Lesson learned!