A-wreck

Yes, that's the best description of me! I am not only a firstborn, but an ONLY! My oldest son is known to not like change and I am finally beginning to see where he may get it from! So after a summer of chaos, fall is fast approaching and mommy is heading into a tailspin from all the white-noise! There is either too much to do, or nothing to do, that is sort of how I look at life. I like to be somewhere between crazy busy and overwhelmed...one small step heading into overwhelmed territory though, sends me into CRAZY. One step before crazy busy and I am bored and depressed! It really is a sick way to live, but it is ME. Somehow I have found myself overwhelmed, bored. I don't know how that happens, but I wander around the house, looking for something to do-well, something exciting and rewarding, but find nothing, just dirty laundry, clutter and boring projects! I literally feel that my brain may explode, knowing I must not over-commit like I so often have done, I do nothing, but hate it. I miss China, I miss the kids we fell in love with, I miss having to depend on God for everything. I find I am best when I am in full dependence mode with God. If I have to trust, then I do, If I can possibly "think" I can do it on my own, I do! I'm not really an adrenaline junky, because I'm too much a pessimist - well, I call myself a realist! Again, our first born son, needs constant entertainment....hhhhmmmm, actually, I guess I do too! I really believe I should have been in an Amish family, when the wives baked together, quilted together, basically never being alone sounds good to me! I've been alone too much in my life. I was never spoiled, or any of those "cool" reasons to be an only child and I think are still struggling from years of playing house, school, bank, boardgames and everything else by myself! "One" is the loneliest number", as Three Dog Night states! Two out of the nest, one reclaiming her Princess title and a mom who can barely see the light of day! I don't think quality time is my problem. Too much quality time may very well be part of this plight!
Come on crazy stay-at-home moms, share your stories...the dirt, emotions, hurts, heights, disappointments, expectations met or un-met? And my favorite question....:"What's for dinner tonight?