Our ER visit!

First, I have to say, as far as ER visits, this one was a walk-in-the-park. We were honing-in on packing today, as we leave in 2-3 days, we had a birthday party, roller skating, a sleep over...boys everywhere, busy as usual. Brian picked Grace up with one arm and slung her over his shoulder and then she began to cry. She fussed and cried, we tried to figure out what and where she was hurt. We iced her wrist and she continued to refuse to move her elbow and after calling the after-hour peds #, we took off for the ER. They call it nurse-maids elbow and the peds triage nurse was right. When we got back to our little cubby in the ER, the Dr. came in, advised how he would turn her arm, she would cry and then, be fine and begin using the arm again. Sure enough, a slight arm twist, a pop, and she was as good as new. No medication, no x-rays and as we cheered, "Your thumb is back!" It happened on her left arm, as she told the nurse, not her right! She did try to suck the right thumb, but it just wouldn't do! It's only the 2nd trip to the ER for the kids, who have 21 years between them, so I can't complain! Back to packing!

part II

As I began to calm and realize that anger and resentment were not Godly wife qualities...I began to search for alternate feelings and emotions. I grabbed my "Power of a Praying Wife," book and began trying to let it all go. I am certainly not there yet! I fall short of being a supportive, loving and patient wife, more than I succeed. After the anger period, I had to begin to think of the "worst case scenario." I had to answer the what if's...and realize that I surely would not die if the fears that paralyzed me were to happen. Honestly, my worst case was, losing the house, having to move the kids from their current school, leaving our friends and support, having to start over again with relationships that I have worked so hard at developing, dealing with heart broken children who were going to loose the friends and comforts of our home and life, leaving a church family that has grown me over the past 14 years, and lastly, possibly having to depend on the financial assistance and even sharing a home with family. I am an independent woman, I like to pay my own way, take care of my own needs, and accepting the offer to live with Brian's Mom felt like loosing ME. I begged God that we'd learn whatever He needed for us to learn without that final blow. God softly told me, there is more! Patience isn't learned in a day...I have so much for you and your biggest fear, you will conquer and overcome. Wow, I'm honored He has so much faith in me, I surely don't, in myself. What do you do when your choices are few? Well, worst case becomes reality and over time, your fears ease, you begin to emotionally challenge yourself to engage and problem solve and have to find the best in every situation. Today, I am excited to begin this adventure. California doesn't scare me, in fact, it promises, ADVENTURE, warm weather!, new places to photography and explore, exposure to the benefits of a huge city like San Francisco (& Chinatown), opportunity to be near family, new people in our lives, new relationships to challenge what I've learned here, choosing a new church family to worship with...endless change and adventures. My next step was to overcome fear. Once I realized that a move was inevitable, fear for my kids, overcame me. Knowing we didn't know much, especially where we'd live and for how long, I knew my two, two, keep the dots very close together type of boys, would be leaving a school they love, moving to another school for an unknown amount of time (until Brian finds a job and we can get a place of our own) and then moving yet again, to another school! The thought of this tortured me! I didn't want to hear, it happens all the times to kids, it happened to me, kids are resilient! These are my tender, sensitive babies who are being ripped out of all they know to be placed into a temporary situation, then once a final move is made and job secured, the third school would come into play! A Mommy just wants the best for her children and I knew there is no way to spin this other than what it is.....a mess! Alas, homeschooling struck me as a possible answer to this complicated matter of the heart. I began to research, curriculum, websites and groups who could offer support. I felt a peace that with my new found information, I could make the choice that was best for our family. Taking my power back, helped relieve the stress of life just happening to me. I now feel at peace about the boys attending the local school in our new location, meeting friends, having a regular schedule and allowing my focus to be on Grace and myself. It's all about process! As we share with people now, I fear they think that my peace seems like relinquishment of hope. Ultimately, for some reason, this is the course that God has placed us on. It is not the one I would have chosen for myself, and doesn't it make sense that the things that God has for us are not visible and understandable in our eyes anyway? Thank goodness I'm not in control of this life! I manage to screw up the few things I handle! God, we are Your's! Take us where You must! We will miss our Spokane life like crazy. Thank you for these amazing years and friends to share them with! We are blessed!

The Question: "What's going On?"

A friend e-mailed me today and asked "What's going On?" It gave me a chance to think and process. This has been a long process! The things that were important to me 5 months ago are no longer and the most important has risen to the top! Family being together and health. A large 4 bedroom, 3 bath house, while beautiful and dreamy, frankly is too much to clean and has disallowed us the freedom to DO. I've been over and over, what did we do wrong, vs. what did life just bring? Should we have stayed in our small, humble 1925 bungalow where our cars got broke into because we had no garage? Where the streets were unsafe for my kids to play? Where we were bursting at the seams to find room for our growing family? We wisely invested into that home and came out, selling in the height and getting a good deal on our much bigger, best schools, family friendly neighborhood, cul-de-sac street housing development "mansion." It's not a mansion, but fully provided for every need, 2-car garage, private backyard, 3 blocks from the best schools, 4-level, play-room, family room, living room, dining room yada, yada, yada! We felt wise, we had a decent down payment, made almost $100K on the sale of our previous home, funded our adoption, needed space for adding our daughter? But, here we are 3 years later, having to let it all go. We couldn't see into the future, to know the mortgage business would bottom out, we couldn't know that after going to China for our second trip, as missionaries, we'd begin to feel the need to simplify. Who knew cleaning 3 bathrooms would be so time consuming? And we'd never use our formal dining room and would never afford furniture for our living room? Our financial momentum stalled and we had assumed it would continue at level, or increase. As we came upon the notion that 2008 was a very bad year, Summer, which is our thriving season and savings for the slow Winter, was dead and Winter wasn't far behind with all that it brings, even worse as our city is covered with snow! We knew that going into debt to survive was not an option. We had previously chosen that route when our boys were babies and debt is never the answer, it only sets your future further into destruction. We had learned to save in the good, to prepare for the bad, but with a bad year, there was not much to be saved and so, we began to take inventory. The boat was the first to go, then a dining room table and hutch, many things we'd collected and that sat. I began to learn to release, not lose. As Brian and I began to have more and more "quality" time together, I began my Angry phase. Resentment, frustration over how Brian looked for jobs. My Control began to emerge and faith fades. A low point! I began to realize that I had to deal with my worst case scenario. What if...there's no miracle that saves my house, my kids' current life and comforts, I had to depend on assistance from others. More tomorrow....

50 Things About Me

1. Coming up with #1 is too stressful!

2. I am the mom of 2 boys & 1 girl.

3. Being a boy-mom is a whole new world!

4. Adoption has been the single most defining moment in my life!

5. I met my husband at age 17 and was married at 20.

6. I am on medium on Guitar Hero.

7. I love putting together Lego sets. It's soothing to my soul.

8. Every sport I am decent at, my husband stinks, and every sport he's great at, I suck.

9. I am finding my inner-femine self, having a daughter.

10. My favorite shows are: Friday Night Lights, Survivor, Jon & Kate + 8, The Bachelor (I'm just a girl at heart!) and The Unit

11. I am self-diagnosed with ADD.

12. I generally don't like movies (my attention span is too short) and I forget them almost immediately after watching.

13. If I could have a maid or a chef, I'd choose a chef.

14. I have not had a steak since I asked my mom what the yummy juice was, and she told me blood!

15. I love to scrapbook, it allows me an artistic outlet.

16. I always order a 16 oz, single, white-chocolate mocha.

17. I love being outside, I'd rather mow the lawn then do many things inside.

18. I enjoy planting and will hopefully get the orange tree I've always wanted in California.

19. I talk to and meet all my neighbors.

20. When I find a lost dog, I bring it to my house.

21. We chased a moose with our car in our neighborhood, back into the woods.

22. Jumping on the trampoline makes me have to pee, no matter if I just did.

23. I secretly wish I was musical.

24. Cyndi Lauper's "Girls just want to have fun," was my 1st album purchase.

25. I was kind of a freaky chic in high school.

26. I want to be a missionary in China.

27. I'm the only wife of our friends who likes to snowmobile.

28. We have struggled with fertility, it is a dark place.

29. I am an only child, and yes, I played games with myself!

30. I am addicted to having a loud fan going when I sleep, and so are all my kids.

31. I wanted to be a lawyer when I grew up.

32. I love to write.

33. My favorite dinner are waffles.

34. I took 2 sciences in college, so I didn't have to take math.

35. I met my best friend, Heather, in 2nd grade and we still are best-friends.

36. I switched schools, after Kindergarten, 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, & 6th grades.

37. I hate how clothes smell after cooking inside.

38. I feel called to adopt a 4 year old girl with inoperable heart defects.

39. I love reading blogs, especially emotional, heart-wrenching ones.

40. I meet every Saturday to discuss issues of the heart with my dear friend, Angie.

41.

Keep on Rockin' me baby

Well, I`ve been looking real hard
And I`m trying to find a job
But it just keeps getting
Tougher every day
But I got to do my part
Cause I know in my heart
I got to please my sweet baby, yeah

Well, I ain`t superstitious
And I don`t get suspicious
But my woman is
A friend of mine
And I know that it`s true
That all the things that I do
Will come back to me
In my sweet time

So keep on rocking me, baby
Keep on a rocking me, baby
Keep on a rocking me, baby
Keep on a rocking me, baby

I went from Phoenix, Arizona
All the way to Tacoma
Philadelphia, Atlanta, L.A.
Northern California
Where the girls are warm
So I could be with my sweet baby, yeah

**Brian was just playing this song on RockBand on the Wii and I thought the first verse (and Northern California) was particularly applicable! It's new on my music playlist, so you can listen if you so desire! Enjoy!

Christmas Pajamas!

So, with Christmas approaching, and knowing that we didn't have much money, I came up with the idea (with my friend, Angie's help) of making P.J's this year instead of buying them, for their Christmas Eve ?mystery? gift. This has become a tradition over the past years, that I love, although the boys have figured it out, but Grace was still surprised! So, Angie and I had a sewing day, with 4 kids under 4 under foot and although we did acommplish a lot, I had a lot to do still, since I was making 5 pairs of pajamas, 3 for our kids and 2 for our neice and nephew. I had to do this all without my kids noticing that I was making them for them. Some details that you have to consider while sewing pj bottoms is that even if the cuff is straight, if the two legs aren't the same length, you must do it over! Who Knew? Hopefully they fit Avery & Charlie, I only had to let out Jonah's crotch and add about 4 inces to the length after I saw how short they were on him! All this to say, I am buying the jammies next year! They have cute ones everywhere, and even though it was cool that they all were the same material, it was SO MUCH WORK! Here are the Christmas Eve pictures of my beautiful kiddos and my amazing sewing. LOL I know just enough to be dangerous, as they say!

More pics of Mei Mei at PHF

Just a few more pictures that I recently got of Mei Mei, from Demember when Toys for Tots came to PHF to deliver toys to the kids. Here is Mei Mei with her gift, her house group picture, and then a close up. Cute huh? Grace has a similar coat to this one, I should get a pic. put it up next to hers. I think they look similar anyways, something about the eyes and lips. She is in a house where the nannies to child ratio is 1-1 or 1-2 because of the severity of her illness. I am just still so amazed at how great she looks!