There is a season for everything

Kids are in bed, must blog! I realize that much of my chatter lately has been shallow, so down to some heart issues tonight. Today is day 3 without a migraine and I am a changed woman. Enjoying my kids, and life. Our ritualistic yearly calendar purchase did not occur this year, so I am without one so far. I'm feeling recharged in organizing & even meal planning!!! I barely know what we're having for dinner an hour before, usually - although, I haven't put together anything as of yet, and tonight's dinner was an unplanned mishmash of stuff. The one positive that could come from all this nausea is that maybe I'll loose a few pounds...I'm such a woman! After reading a post from our adoption agencies website, I was reminded about a quote that struck me so deeply. "If God has placed (something) on your heart, He must want you to take responsibility to make sure it happens. God had not called me to do what He had placed on that person's heart. He burdens the heart that He calls. In other words, God rarely shows you the problem so that you can tell someone else about it." I love this! It not only gives me permission to pursue my hearts desires (Godly, ones I mean), but also gives me the freedom to say No, to things that are not mine to do. One of the most profound books in my life was reading the "Boundaries," book by Dr.'s Cloud & Townsend. Saying No, can be Godly! I always thought as a Christian, I should A) Do everything, everyone asked of me, & B) If I didn't want to do it, shame myself into thinking I was a horrible person, non-the-less, a Believer who didn't want to do it, then do it anyway...even with a bad attitude. One of the verses that backed this up for me is, "Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." 2 Corinthians 9:7 Ultimately, it is a heart issue to God. This is all quite random, and more of that to come. The other thing that has been on my mind and heart is that I feel that God has given me specific situations around me, to people I know or have met on-line, to reassure me that I can do this. I can make it through this trial! There are many struggles of this world and this is mine for now, for God to use and mold me (or de-mold me, as it may be?) The two blogs that I am specifically speaking of are in my favorites, but here they are: http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/ and the other is about a little girl, adopted from China who has Leukemia and is resistant to remission. As I looked to give this site, it is not allowing me on it, which concerns me that something has happened to this little girl! My point is that other Brothers and Sisters in Christ are in crisis and not abandoned by Christ. I am not alone, I am not being punished and I certainly can endure. The above link is about an amazing family who has adopted many children from around the world. They are Pastors and her heart is transparent for The Lord and their house caught fire and even though they all escaped, there things are a total loss. For a great read, sit down with a cup of something warm and read their story!!! I must be willing to pursue what God has for me to learn and grow through in this, or it will be toiling in vain. "Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." 2 Corinthians 15:58
I love the word "Toil" and as it came to mind while writing, I looked in Ecclesiastes, one of my favorite books of the Bible! This is what I read, that frankly, could have been written by me over the past week (only not so beautifully): Ecclesiastes 2 - 3 (portions) 4 I undertook great projects: I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. 5 I made gardens and parks and planted all kinds of fruit trees in them. 6 I made reservoirs to water groves of flourishing trees. 8 I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. 9 I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me. In all this my wisdom stayed with me. 10 ...My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. 11 Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.
Toil Is Meaningless
17 So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. 18 I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me. 19 And who knows whether he will be a wise man or a fool? Yet he will have control over all the work into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless. 20 So my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun. 21 For a man may do his work with wisdom, knowledge and skill, and then he must leave all he owns to someone who has not worked for it. This too is meaningless and a great misfortune. 22 What does a man get for all the toil and anxious striving with which he labors under the sun? 23 All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest. This too is meaningless. 24 A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, 25 for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? 26 To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
Ecclesiastes 3 A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.
I have been bitter, especially towards Brian's old Company. Laying him off on the last day of the month, so as to avoid insurance premiums for the next month, left us in a huge lurch. We found out today that premiums for just Brian & I would be over $900/month, obviously, a luxury we can't afford. We have prescriptions for medications that we cannot afford to but w/o insurance and my mind goes immediately to some not very nice words and names towards Golf Savings. Just another leak in our vein that we must temporarily plug to stop the bleeding. I have been grieving the loss of the property our house sits on. All the work, planting, cultivating, especially my raspberries that will be in their 2nd year of harvest and will give many berries this coming summer! Something I've always wanted to have that I finally got planted and tended to so carefully to weed and watch-over, a baby of sorts. I try to console myself by thinking of the orange tree I can have in California, the avocado groves....but, I will still miss my raspberries! My lavender and black-eyed susans, my hydrangea that never really grew, my daisies and butterfly attracting flowers...that frankly, I dug out of the frozen tundra at our old house to take to our new house (yes, probably an illegal act)! I still miss our Japanese Maples that we planted as wee babies at our first house, maybe I'm too attached to foliage?
I totally get this passage! It is me, at this time, in this place. God knows! I want to do more than endure and survive. I want to grow and learn, but some days just seem too big. My God is bigger though. This I must remember! Alright, enough heart for tonight. I need to, not think.

Guacamole & Headaches

Today is the first day without a migraine, after three days in a row! The worst part of migraines is the nausea, because it makes food totally undesirable and being hungry leads to migraines, thus my horrible cycle. I am already a "pickatarian" as my husband likes to call me, so finding things I like can be tricky. I've recently discovered guacamole! I'm not sure why it is such a craving, but it seems to hit the spot when nothing else in our cupboards will do.

Does God use TV?

As our circumstances remain uncertain, the thoughts of Mei Mei whirling through my mind...I find myself wondering: Does God use TV to speak to us? I have found a great show, one which you may be familiar with, "Jon & Kate plus 8." I am consumed with their lives and quickly became addicted to watching the events and daily happenings of this family of twin girls and sextuplets. I identify with Kate because she is an organized and yet loving Mom. Unfortunately, or fortunately, my insecurities of doing and not just being are subsiding, so things are much less "perfect" in my home as I get older and beyond some of my issues. Anyway, this family is all about the kids. With 8 children, there needs come above everything else and it has been theraputic for me to watch as Jon & Kate move through life with their entire focus and purpose on their children. As I ponder, can I take on another child? with special needs? adoption issues? I see that if they can handle 8, I can see myself making it through 4!

She's standing?!

Here is another picture of little Mei Mei, from our China team leader, Steve, when he returned to PHF in November 08' with another team to serve. I couldn't believe she was standing up on her own! When we were there, she was too weak and her tiny legs wouldn't hold her. I thought she was standing in the bottom picture I got from a few days ago, but you can't see her legs, so she could have been on her scooter?! Ironically, I got a response, one of many people, I sent requests to back in September to try to find Mei Mei help. Here is his response: "Dear Gretchen,
Sorry for the long delay in my response to your email. We can suggest that you contact one of our partner sites in China, Shanghai Children’s Medical Center, which is an excellent institution with great reputation. I am also attaching a list of organizations that we have researched and you might like to contact for assistance as well. We hope you find this information valuable and can find help for your daughter’s heart condition." Did you notice where he wrote YOUR DAUGHTER? I clearly wrote that she was an orphan in China...prophetic? Maybe?! He also gathered a list of organizations that may be able to assist...what a blessing that he took the time!

Mei Mei Pictures

A few pictures we've gathered over the past months, most recently, one with another adoptive Mother who is at PHF right now! The rainbow sleeves are both from Jan. 9th, the other 2 are from September and October, after a recent haircut. Mei Mei, we have not forgotten you, the doors to adopt for us may be temporarily shut, but not bolted!

Widgets!

Aaahhh, I lost all my widgets (all the things on the side of my blog)! I've spent years collecting blogs and websites that I love, pictures, sayings etc...and they're all gone in one split second! I was trying to re-do the layout of my blog and apparently, I did something wrong and poof-GONE! Technical things are only as reliable and good as its' user. As they say, "Operator Error!" So, if it looks different...It Is!

"Let It Fade"

This song speaks to my heart! I put it on my tunes, so you can listen and see they lyrics!

Jeremy Camp
"Let It Fade"

Have you been walking on a surface that's uncertain?
Have you helped yourself to everything that's empty?
You can't live this way too long.
There's more than this, more than this.

Have you been standing on your own feet too long?
Have you been looking for a place where you belong?
You can rest, you will find rest.You can rest, you will find rest.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Let this new life offered be your saving grace.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade, let it fade.

Have you been holding on to what this world has offered?
Have you been giving in to all these masquerades?
It will be gone, forever gone.
It will be gone, it will be gone.

Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Let this new life offered be your saving grace.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade, let it fade.
Let it fade.

Are you carrying the weight too much?
Are you running from the call?
Let it fade, Oh yeah.

You can rest, you will find rest.
You can rest you will find rest.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Let this new life offered be your saving grace.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade, let it fade.
Oh, let it fadeLet this old life crumble, let it fade.

Have you been standing on your own feet too long?
Have you been looking for a place where you belong?