Finding Redemption....My Own!

Monday, July 19th was a changing day for us!! Rewind a week: Returning from our trip to Oregon, and Brian's second trip up to Spokane to pursue employment there since Sacramento was dry, we made some difficult decisions.

We are coming upon a new school year for our two boys, entering into 6th & 4th grade. We home schooled 3rd grade last year and had a rough 5th grade year also. There are many reasons for our dis-satisfaction with the school district, too many to grieve, but we knew that the upcoming school year, mid-August, here in Northern California, would require something NEW. Our current living situation, residing with Brian's mom, also needed to change.

With a potential of jobs Brian had groomed during his past two visits, a hope that was not realized by moving to California, and in trying to make the best choice for our children, we officially decided to make a move back to Spokane, WA.

Carefully living on the meager unemployment "benefits," and a couple part-time jobs, we managed to save enough money for whatever our future would hold. One of the things I learned during this desert season, was that choices and decisions cannot fully be made on facts. Granted, I learned this from what we did wrong, not what we did right, so my suspect of this new life lesson had yet to be challenged...so we began to plan our move...when, how, a place to live, etc...

We began to tell our friends and family about our plans to return to the place we left. We had no job, nothing certain, just a knowledge and passion for change. Hope, actually. Something we haven't had for quite sometime!

I'd love to say, our faith was at amazing, awe-inspiring levels, however, the truth is that we were BEAT DOWN! Gasping with our last breaths, grasping with fingers that were slipping from the deep cliff we felt and saw looming. In the beginning, I felt excitement for what God would do, how God could be glorified through our defeat. By the end, I truly was holding on for dear life. That's what ultimately I find hysterical! I am so prideful that I looked for God to use us, when it wasn't about me from the beginning, well, it was, just a more humbling, fall-on-my-face kinda way. So far, the biggest lesson I've learned from, finally having "success" is that all of this was for my own redemption, not for someone else's!

"(MY) Sin had left a crimson stain, HE washed it white as snow."(Jesus Paid It All, Kristin Stanfill-on my playlist)

The minute we stepped out, the semblance of optimism shown. Like in the retro-game, Sonic, when you'd have to make the poor guy jump out on faith, but then a block would appear, temporarily, but you had to keep moving. If you stood still too long, it would disappear and Sonic would plunge into a fiery pit, it was the same for us. We leaped, and reassurance became visible.

Why now? What did we do? I'm like the rat who just got the treat in the maze...somehow I got an atta-boy, but I'm not sure what I did?! Maybe it was that we'd really been through the worst of it, I'd been at the bottom, physically, spiritually, relationally. Part of me wonders if Satan just gave up on torturing us, or maybe it was just my limp body finally falling into the arms of My Savior?

I'm not stronger, I can't endure more than I ever thought, I'm not in the midst of a passionate and revived relationship with God, none of the cliche things that happen to people in the midst of crisis. I am humbly surprised and hugely releaved, knowing that it was GOD! AND, I'M SMILING and that's enough!