Meanwhile....

Sunday, we had the pleasure of hearing Libby Vincent speak at Lakeside Church. Her message title was "MEANWHILE...."
2 Corinthians 4:16-5:10 (New International Version)

16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 5
1Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. 2Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, 3because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. 4For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
6Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. 7We live by faith, not by sight.

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for a certain of what we do not see.

These words, guarantee and certain are ideas that seem so abstract to me. Hearing and seeing these promises in God's Word are reason for hope! Each time I find something in the Bible that meets me just where I am, I seem surprised? How can God know me this well? Even the humbling-grumbling I do? I'm assured that I do not have the market on these struggles. I keep finding reasons for hope, but I'm having a hard time feeling confident in hope. I think that if I really could claim hope, my attitude would be in a better place. My perspective would reflect this assured hope and knowing it's only temporary would somehow make it easier to endure. Libby talked about showing ourselves grace and that some days, the fact that "We just show up," reveals our faith. Sometimes the ideals that the Church seems to sell is this unrealistic joy. In Ecclesiastes 3:4 there is... "a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance." Living fully in the heart that God has given us ensures disappointments. I struggle living in my emotional reality and faking a joy that really isn't there because it's what a "good christian woman" would have. The truth is, I am heartbroken. The life I knew and loved has faded away. I innately respond like a cat does when you get the idea to give it a bath. There is a lot of stiff legs, claws come out, a screaming sound you've never quite heard before pierces your ears and even if you successfully bathe it, there's many marks to remind you it may not be a good idea to repeat. I'm trying to relax, but it not a natural state. It's like when I've gotten a massage and the entire time, I'm thinking..."RELAX, RELAX, RELAX!" My reaction is to tense and fold in, like so many creatures, I want to protect, and self-preserve. God is challenging me to let Him be my protector, reserve my strength for the upcoming job, not panic and gasp for air, but float!