"After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain!"

"Beauty From Pain"
by Super Chick
*Now, my #1 song on my playlist, listen as you read the lyrics!

The lights go out all around me,
One last candle to keep out the night.
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive, but I feel like I've died.
And all that's left is to accept that its' over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made.
I try to keep warm, but I just grow colder.
I feel like I'm slipping away.

After all this has passed, I still will remain.
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain,
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain.
You will bring beauty from my pain.

My whole world is the pain inside me,
The best I can do is just get through the day.
When life before is only a memory
I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place?
And through I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how You've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames.

Here I am, at the end of me
Tryin' to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to Your Promise
There will be a dawn!

I went to title this song/post and then bold all the lyrics that hit me so powerfully, but I couldn't choose just one or two, I just had to highlight them all, because they so perfectly fit my heart at this moment. I realize that I hate to talk about myself with friends because I find my life to be so depressing and I can't even bear to listen to my own sad story. Therefore, I feel lonely. It's not that people won't listen, it's just easier not to rehash the frustration.
Our Pastor spoke about our lives intersecting with God and how we feel that God speaks to us. It is probably not a surprise to anyone who has consistently read my blog that music, specifically worship music touches my heart in such a tender way. It really was the first time that I've heard it spoken that each of us meets or intersects with God in different ways and that's ok. I love song lyrics because they are usually the raw heart of emotions, fears, shortcomings and failures. Music is a safe place to reveal some of our most tender and raw feelings. I use music in so many ways, sometimes to praise God, to pray and call upon promises I know to be true, but am finding it hard to believe, asking for forgiveness and strength...it is really endless for me. I don't know why God didn't give me the gift to produce music, just to enjoy it, but I know that I definitely feel closest to God when I'm hearing the gifts that God has given others to sing, play and write things that I feel, but can't express in such an amazing way. Our 8, now 9 year old, received Toby Mac concert tickets for his recent birthday and the fact that Toby Mac mixed sweet and urban rockin' music with worship excites me beyond words!!! (http://www.winterwonderslam.com/)