Meanwhile we groan...

"Meanwhile we groan..." 2 Corinthians 5:2 Week 2 of the "Meanwhile Series," at Lakeside: #1) "Life is not yet what it will sometime be..." #2) "Life is not what it once was..." And thus, Fear begins to take flight and "color who we are," stated Pastor Brad. We looked at 2Corinth. 8:7-15 and discussed how the church had offered so much, their generosity had blessed so many. vs 2 "they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability." And then, they succumbed to fear. I have talked and pondered so much about what this time has been and is for me; this time in the desert. I have on several occasions, given the excuse that I just don't have it to offer. It being, friendship, energy, cheer, joy, hope. I have succumbed to fear that has paralyzed me, just as Paul is talking about. Brad explains fear as a "de-motivator." He states, "Fear begins to overwhelm our best intentions, thinking if I help you, it will hurt me." Our Lord wants us to #1) Know & Believe His Heart 2) Know & Believe His Power & 3) Know & Believe God's Promises
How many things have I backed away from , believing I am not able? So many come to mind, relationships, ministry opportunities, choosing to be a blessing and support to my husband...a few that quickly fill my mind. This thing I have called depression, sadness, hurt, life-sucks, is now being revealed to me as FEAR. Who loves fear? Satan! What does God say about fear? "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment." I John 4:18 How do I mesh this all together? With Fear and Punishment seemingly close bedfellows, I almost have to assume that my reservations and outright refusals intertwine with both fear and punishment. Is it fear of punishment, punishing myself for what I feel is inevitably my fault somehow, fear of failure, of thinking my success in life keeps the fears of failure from being discovered. The things that I have been struggling with this week as the tapes that I play in my head to myself. My very favorite is: "I am not good enough." I think it starts out that it is revealed to me that someone else thinks I'm not good enough and then brings it sutler to my attention that I'm not good enough, or smart enough, or able to manage life and its ebbs and flows on my own. That I am in need of a personal manager to direct my each step. This somehow is shameful to me and reflects on my life and speaks to my value, rather than listening to God's Truth about me and knowing about myself, that I am a strong, intelligent, caring person who God directly put me into this place and time to oversee, knowing I'd be just the right one for the job! Just like my face book flair that states: I don't have a short attention span, I just.....Oh look, A Kitty!!
In this Meanwhile life that so many of us are experiencing due to life, love, jobs, lack of jobs, loosing our houses and equity, loosing our certainty in the future, the hope of finding a good job, sickness, children we keep looking back and placing hope in what it once was. This is a New Season and will bring maybe a few of the crops that randomly reappear in a garden, but mainly the work must begin on cleaning, de-rocking, fertilizing, sewing, watering and regarding against forces that with to devour them. This is still not as clear to me as what I had hoped, but I feel God's guiding me down a path to find God's heart revealed. Ultimately, Brad challenged us to Live Generously, even when the road gets tough. I think I'll have to come back to this to refine this post, it seems very : EVERYWHERE?!